My name is Jeff and I am a recovering sex addict. It all started when I lived at home with my parents. My father was and still is a sex addict and alcoholic to this day. I can remember when my mother would go to bed, my father would turn on the cable adult channels and allow me to watch them with him. He also had pin up posters and other adult stuff in the household. My father was verbally abusive to us and my mother. After 23 years, my father walked out on all of us. I moved out shortly after, when I turned 18. I lived from place to place and I would hang out with my friends during the week and watch porno movies and drink beer. On the weekends we would go to clubs and try to pick up on girls to have sex with. All I wanted was sex. Little did I know that the craving and the snares of Satan began there.
I slept with a lot of women and could never get enough. I was married at 26, only to last 9 months. I could not be loyal to one woman. A year later I married again but the problems did not stop. I became addicted to pornography on the internet. I was spending at least 18-24 hours a week on the net. I met women, had sex with them and I got deeper and deeper into it. My wife became saved, and I did shortly after but it did not even stop there. I was so bound to my addiction. I had an affair on my wife again and this time I confessed to her. Things were better for a while but I found myself back on the net again.
She went away for a woman’s retreat on a weekend and I blew it again. I felt that no matter how much I prayed, or attended church, or read the bible, I was VERY addicted. I went to a pastor in my church that I trusted and told him in a nut shell what my problems were. He had asked me if I had ever fasted and I told him no. We agreed to fast for 7 days together to break the chains of pornography.
I learned that I had to give God 100% of me, not 95%, not 98% but 100%. I also had to fully trust Him and allow Him to work in my heart. I had a lot of “old skin” to shed. During the fasting I asked God to break the chains and free me of this horrible sin that so many men go through. Unless you go through it, you will never know the spiritual warfare that is involved. It was very heavy. But in Gods amazing grace I met Him in the middle and asked Jesus to completely heal and restore me.
I look at sin in a totally different way. I cannot say that I am not tempted in this area still but what I can say that if you trust God and pray daily for strength in your weaknesses, He will deliver you out of bondage. I literally had to allow God to kill my flesh and allow Him to cleanse and renew my spiritual walk and also help me change the way I thought about sexual sin.
In closing I will say that I am still married, going on 9 years now and I have a lovely wife who took an interest in understanding how awful this addiction really is to the human spirit and mind. I look at my wife in a totally different way now than I did before, and when I am tempted I ask her if we can have intimate time together. We are now going to have a baby in December and God has blessed us with a ministry in the church in helping in baptisms.
Please trust me when I say this: God wants to help anyone who is bound to any addiction. The key is, you have to allow Him to change you and you have to give Him 100%. He has a plan for all of us and He wants to use us for His glory. I pray that this testimony will encourage you to take that first step. No one said it would be easy but we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. He loves you and His arms are open to receive you.
Glory be to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
~ Jeff, a CIR Member