Are you looking for a thrill?
A superhighway!
I started out on the road of life like any other 17 year old. An older friend showed me a destination sign that said, “Penthouse”. I was rather excited. My adventure had started. I didn’t just want to drive to and from home, work and church. I wanted to drive clear across the country and even around the world. I wanted to experience a few worldly things. My journey lasted 30 years.
To get out of my neighborhood, I had to enter the freeway, wow, and a whole 3 lane highway in one direction. Penthouse and some soft-core. After a year or so, I came upon the big green sign that said hardcore. It looked very popular and it looked like a smooth and wide section of road where I could really speed up and feel the wind in my hair. About 5 years later I had traveled half-way to my destination (or so I thought) and I came upon an entrance to the thruway. Now, I had heard about thruways, turnpikes and about Tolls. However, I just wanted to try one and then get back off onto the safer roads. I thought that I would have to pay a toll to enter this more deviant genre of fetish hardcore. How thrilled I was to find out that there were short stretches that were free to sample. With each toll booth though, I thought I was making a conscience choice or decision to alter my route.
As I raced across the world of porn for the ultimate exposure, I approached the deviant Autobahn, (the internet superhighway). No speed limits, no rules and no laws. I could just enjoy the porn without hurting anyone, (well, maybe myself). I had been driving non-stop on the porn Autobahn for 15 or 20 years by now. Yes, I had seen a few wrecks along the shoulders of the Autobahn. I had heard of some 200 car (lives) pile-ups with human carnage and wreckage everywhere (in the form of marriages ending in divorce, internet stings, broken families, lost careers, financial ruin, spiritual brokenness, suicides, etc.).
The rescue crews that had to keep entering the sex addiction Autobahn looked so exhausted. Clearing the death and destruction and trying to resuscitate life into the sexual addict appeared to really be taking its toll. However, you could still see the compassion in their eyes. Every once in a while I saw signs for rest stops but these were different rest stops. No places to pull off and go to the restroom and then re-enter the porn Autobahn.
These were exits where you had to completely turn around (or repent) of the porn Autobahn and enter through this small off-ramp and stay off forever. The off-ramps were so tiny you could easily have missed them. Only a few cars exited in time before they would’ve lost their spiritual lives and their sanity. These exits were pointed out by concerned family, a close friend, Catholics and a few Protestants. I even heard Jesus and the Holy Ghost whispering to me in that still small voice to take refuge in the holy sanctuary of so many churches where Jesus reigns in the hearts and lives of so many believers.
So many times on the porn Autobahn I had been going full speed for decades. The excitement was waning. Drowsiness was really setting in. I didn’t want to admit that I needed to repent though. So what I had thought about doing was just steering into a wall or aiming to drive off of a cliff. Death was becoming so much more desirable than this constant chase that only left me tired and unfulfilled. Thirty years of dangerous travel on the porn Autobahn was hypnotizing me. The signs of filth everywhere made me so mad, angry and jaded. I was mad at God for allowing this to happen to me that I wanted to strike out against God I guess by breaking the law, His laws.
Finally and thankfully, God had mercy on me and allowed me to be blinded, just as similarly Saul of Tarsus was blinded. Now I’m not comparing myself to the Apostle Paul. I’m just saying that my state of sin was so severe that I needed to be blinded (figuratively speaking) by God. The forward progress of this particular sin went from 100k/mph to Zero k/mph instantly. I was caught in a sting. I was in denial for about 6 months. Only when I hit bottom a second time through a slip with porn during those 6 months, did I see the help that was being offered to me by God, through Christians In Recovery.
I would like to close with some scriptures. Please take the time to read them and meditate upon them.
Matthew 7:13
Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.
I Corinthians 9:24:
Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.
Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.
Matthew 25:21
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master.
II Corinthians 1:3-7
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken; for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
Luke 15:16-32
Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” And he said “There was a man who had two sons; and the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that falls to me.’ And he divided his living between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took his journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in loose living. And when he had spent everything, a great famine arose in that country, and he began to be in want.
So he went and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have fed on the pods that the swine ate; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, but I perish here with hunger! 1 will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before YOU; 1 am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants.
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, 1 have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet; and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry; for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to make merry.
Now his elder son was in the field; and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what this meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has received him safe and sound.
But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him. But he answered his father, ‘Lo, these many years 1 have served you, and I never disobeyed your command; yet you never gave me a goat that I might make merry with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you killed for him the fatted calf.”
And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to make merry and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.'”
Acts 9:3-19
Now as he journeyed he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed about him. And he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting; “ut rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul arose from the ground; and when his eyes were opened he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.
Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for a man of Tarsus named Saul; for behold, he is praying, and he has seen a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to thy saints at Jerusalem; and here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call upon thy name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”
Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came, has sent me that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes and he regained his sight Then he rose and was baptized, and took food and was strengthened. For several days he was with the disciples at Damascus.
~ Chuck C