Worksheet at bottom of article
A fully alive marriage begins on the living, walking, and talking life of Jesus Christ. The Sermon on the Mount is a perfect example of living marriage built upon the Rock of Love. Jesus didn’t only teach us how to love, but He showed us how to love through His actions of love. So it isn’t any wonder that if base our own walk upon those same actions of love nothing can destroy marriage.
Many marriages are unhappy because they are wishy-washy; full of unprincipled actions and desires, mixed with unmet emotional needs that aren’t and can’t be met, all because the marriage is based upon the foundation of self. Many couples stumble into marriage not knowing or caring what their responsibilities and purpose for the marriage are. But these are the things we need to figure out for ourselves so we can walk the love walk.
Marital issues will not get the attention they deserve when couples do not apply the proper foundation to get the matter resolved appropriately. Therefore, more problems arise, resentment ensues, hearts become hardened and divorce settles in. At this point, the grass can seem greener on the other side of the fence. But is it? No! It’s only a mirage.
A typical scenario of a self-based marriage goes something like this. Couples wonder around aimlessly to find contentment, and some sort of direction to stabilize their chaotic lifestyle. Something is missing from their life and the more they try and sponge the missing pieces off their spouse, the more that spouse feels confined, confused and empty. Marriage needs the giving of each other, not sponging off of each other. When we constantly only want to get rather than give, we are literally pulling the life out of our spouse.
After awhile neither spouse will get the love they so desperately need, and eventually one or both will seek outside influences to fill their emptiness. Whether through infidelity, over-eating, pornography, drinking, negative emotions, etc. But these things pull couples even further away from each other emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. I encourage you to think about and do those things that you can do for the marriage that will pull you closer to one another. Working on ourselves is the first step towards being a loving and giving person.
Ask yourself. What do I value about myself? Is it my job? My career? My looks? My house? What about valuing yourself as a child of God and then working on being that person? Ask yourself? What do I really need for myself to make me happy? Attention from others, love from others, food, drugs, alcohol, another spouse?
No, these things don’t make us happy and content! These things control and overpower the person we are. Don’t you see? We put so much trust in these material and physical possessions and feelings, and then use them for anchors when times are tough. What has God made for us? What anchors can we apply into our marriage that is made by God?
The Rock of Love is a living and beautiful part of our walk in life. Everything else is dead. Ask yourself. What do I believe in for my marriage? Divorce? Infidelity? Trust? Respect? Commitment? Do I believe in what I see in the world to be right for my marriage? What is my real purpose for my marriage? What responsibilities and duties does God want me to fulfill for my marriage?
If you are a Child of God, then choosing to love God first would and should be your first priority, which is taking care of yourself! Then you can finally go back and walk the love walk with the person you married.
Questions For Couples
What do you value about yourself?
What do you value about your spouse?
What do you value about your marriage?
Could those things you value be blessings from God?
What ways can you continue to seek out the blessings God has in store for you and your spouse?
Continue Searching And God Will Give You The Answers.
Your Marriage Can Be Beautiful!
Book Resources for Couples
Love The Man You Married – for women
Love The Woman You Married – for men
These books are biblically based and offer the wisdom and guidance couples need to learn the principles of loving in the ways that God designed for couples to love each other. These books are available as downloads or hard copy.