According to Triumph Over Darkness: Understanding and Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Wood, Wendy A. Beyond Words Publishing. April, 1993.
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1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.
- We are working on separating the past from the present.
- Pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously.
- It is important for us to be in control, since control is what we lacked as children.
- Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension.
2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.
3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.
4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse “on the back burner” does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these emotions and process them.
5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with this early trauma. This is because:
6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.
7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.
8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors — something wrong was DONE to us.
9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not “getting past it” sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won’t
happen overnight.
10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about how you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened verbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.
11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.
12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody — from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education — may be an offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.
13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.
14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.
15. Our therapy does not break up relationships – it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.
16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.
Read everything you can get your hands on regarding
recovery. Use RecoveryBooks.com for added recommendations.
The 12 Steps A Spiritual Journey (workbook with guide for leading a group) (Workbook with guide for leading a group)
The Twelve Steps for Christians (accompanies above)
Power to Choose, 12 Steps to Wholeness (excellent workbook)
A Practical Guide to Victory in Christ
Order From:
Overcomers in Christ
P.O. Box 34460
Omaha, NE 68134
ph.402-573-0966
Celebrate Recovery Participant’s Guides Set
Celebrate Recovery Curriculum
Victory Over the Darkness Book and Study Guide
Neil T. Anderson / Harvest House
Bondage Breaker
Neil T. Anderson / Harvest House
Bondage Breaker Study Guide
Neil T. Anderson / Harvest House
A Hunger for Healing Workbook
Then look under “Where to Start” at RecoveryBooks.com
We suggest any Christian who is in recovery or trying to recover from ANYTHING get copies of these Bibles:
Life Recovery Bible
Published by Tyndale House Publishers.This Bible is specially annotated for recovering Christians and is a wonderful source of support and healing.
Serenity: A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery
(New King James Version- New Testament Psalms & Proverbs)
by Dr. Robert Hemfelt and Dr. Richard Fowler
Recovery Devotional Bible
(complete Bible-NIV version)
Includes 365 meditations and extensive notes
Zondorvan Publishers