…the person who has achieved the positive frame of mind, has lost his tense, aggressive, demanding, conscience-ridden self, which feels isolated and at odds with world and has become a relaxed, natural and more realistic individual who can dwell in the world on a “live and let live basis”…surrender is an unconscious event, not willed[1]
The Act of Surrender in the Therapeutic Process by Harry M. Tiebout, M.D., The National Council of Alcoholism 1949
The Bible tells us in many different ways that we must surrender our old ways in our walk with God so we can have peace and happiness.
At different times in your walk through the journey of the spirit of recovery, it can be difficult to realize that there is a difference between surrender and compliance. You can comply with rules but you have to surrender to the will of God if you wan to find that inner peace and sense of joy that only comes when you surrender.
Making a change from compliance to surrender takes self honesty. To thine own self be true. Have you ever found yourself thinking, “What’s the big deal if I do things my way as long as I do not drink or use drugs again?” Sounds ok but let’s look a little further. It might not be a big deal to you but what about those people who love you and stood by you through the years?
Consider this. You get clean and sober, you’re unemployed and you do not want to work in fast food restaurant because you used to work construction. Do you feel that fast food work is beneath you? Are you thoughts “what will everybody think about me if they see me flipping burger?” Compliance is ego driven, surrender is God conscious driven.
Surrender means taking any kind of work no matter what so you can earn money. Of course you can depend on your significant other to support you and pay for your needs and wants. That is the essence of co dependency when you take a closer look. Surrender moves away from that kind of relationship to one where you accept the reality that you have to let go of old ways, and take life one day at a time. You must be true to yourself if you are going to build a foundation within your self. If you cannot surrender to the realty that you need a job and you do not need to look good for others life gets better.
Jesus was humble and holy. He did not pick and chose the nice places to preach the work of God. Surrender is being humble. Surrender is not a planned event. Compliance is trusting in God and letting go of your ego. Have ever met someone who said they will follow the rules long enough to get what they want?
Recovery is about practicing the principles in all of your affairs, not just the ones you chose. Family members might want to be involved in decisions, employers sometimes expect a change in attitude and work ethics, the community expect relief from the intimidation that might have been the rule of how you lived.
Keep your thoughts positive and realistic. One problem is not your entire life. Remember that the emotional roller coaster has a seat for everybody. You are not the only person in the world that has bad things happen to them. When you remember you are not the only one with a problem you are more likely to talk about being disappointed, instead of feeling ripped off or cheated
Every situation is different. Don’t carry feeling and thought from old problems into new situations. Don’t project your thoughts on to others. Things that happen relate to one situation in the here and now event; not past memories. Surrender is about conflict resolution, it is not about revenge.
God Bless You
Jimmy