Love

Issues and Solutions regarding Love

To “Let Go” Takes Love

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring;
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off;
it is the realisation that I can’t control another.

How Can I Trust My Husband Again?

Ask Angie: I am finding it hard to trust my husband again. We’ve been married for 31 years. this Valentine’s day and in year 28 I found out he was heavily into drugs, which he now claims to be free of, but I still have a hard time believing him because of the extent he wants to hide his use. All the lies, deceit, and now the unwillingness to discuss it with me, leaves me with many unanswered questions.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

What does love have to do with recovery? EVERYTHING! Easily a book could be written on this subject but I only have a few lines, so here goes.

Lack of self-love results in a tremendous amount of inner pain. Low self-esteem often leads people to look to sources outside of themselves for the love that they do not feel for themselves. This can result in “looking for love in all the wrong places” like same sex relationships, drugs, abusive relationships, codependent relationships, eating too much, alcohol, improper sexual relationships, etc. Or one might try medicating the pain with drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.

Codependency FAQ

What is Codependency?
There are probably as many definitions of codependency as there are people who consider themselves to be codependent. Basically, if you identify with the posts here, and with the info in the books found on the subject, you might consider yourself to be codependent.

In “Codependent No More,” Melody Beattie gives several definitions. She includes Earnie Larsen’s definition:

    “Those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships.”

Melody Beattie’s own definition is:

My boyfriend is violent but promises to change. Is it OK for me to marry him?

My boyfriend has been violent towards me in the past. If he promises to change, is it okay if I still marry him?

God has a very specific plan for your life. Before you do anything, you need to seek His will. Marriage is a difficult and serious decision, even when all circumstances seem to be perfect.When you add an issue like violence to the situation, the decision becomes much more difficult.

Will I ever get over the affair my husband had a long time ago?

Will I ever get over the affair my husband had a long time ago?

Though it may not seem to be true, with God’s help, you can get past this. I can imagine how hurt and angry you must feel every time you pick at the scab of this wound. But, it is time to let this one heal.

Codependent Relapse Checklist

Early Warning Signs

    Situational loss of daily structure.
    Lack of personal care
    Inability to effectively set and maintain limits
    Loss of constructive planning
    Indecision
    Compulsive behavior
    fatigue or lack of rest