Death

Why Did My Sister Die?

by Wes Moore

You may not know this, but Ted Turner once planned to be a Christian missionary (if you aren’t aware, he is now a vocal atheist). His slide from faith started when his younger sister, Mary Jane, came down with a horrible disease. The National Review put it this way:

All his prayers for [Mary Jane’s] recovery — an hour a day, he said — were for naught. “She used to run around in pain, begging God to let her die,” he recalled. “My family broke apart. I thought, ‘How could God let my sister suffer so much?'” [1]

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Understanding the Phases of Grief

The Four Phases of Grief
1. Numbness – This is the phase immediately following a loss. The grieving person feels numb, which is a defense mechanism that allows them to survive emotionally.

2. Searching and Yearning – This can also be referred to as pining and is characterized by the grieving person longing or yearning for the deceased to return. Many emotions are expressed during this time and may include weeping, anger, anxiety, and confusion.

3. Disorganization and Despair – The grieving person now desired to withdraw and disengage from others and activities they regularly enjoyed. Feelings of pining and yearning become less intense while periods of apathy, meaning an absence of emotion, and despair increase.

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When Heaven Goes Silent

The emergency room was deathly still except for my husband?s anguished weeping.

Tearless, I held our little son Timmy’s chilling body to my breast, trying to warm him, unwilling to let him grow cold. Bruised from futile resuscitation efforts, he was naked except for a rough blanket wrapped around him and secured with a diaper pin.

The mortician peeked in. He was waiting. I wanted to run into the night with Timmy’s body and hide him somewhere where I could keep him safe.

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Grief and Depression: The 6 T’s of Moving Through Grief

One of the most moving scenes in musical “The Man from La Mancha” came as Don Quixote dying was roused by his lady Dulcinea to hear the words of the song, The Impossible Dream again.
“Tell me the words,” he asks.
“But they are your words, my Lord,” she responds.
He remembers then and sings the magnificent song that embodied his dream.

For years at funerals and during times of loss and grief, I have shared with those who are in the midst of their mourning these special blessings God gives us to cope with our sorrow and pain. They are Tears, Talk, Touch, Toil, Trust, and Thanksgiving. In my heartbreaks, my own words of comfort return to me as a benediction of grace. It was as if I heard an owl say, They are your own words, Philip. Listen to them.

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Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

~ Mary Elizabeth Frye – 1932

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