by Carol DeMar
Ask Angie: Hi Angie. My husband is a severe alcoholic and has tried detox & rehabs several and I mean several times. He has been an alcoholic for 20+ years. We have known each other since we were teenagers and then started dating again about 8 years ago. He was in recovery when we started dating and I really didn’t know what an alcoholic was at that time. The longest he has ever been sober is 7 months and that was in 2001. Ever since then he has gotten worse the disease has really progressed over the years. During the last 4 years I think he has been sober for 3 months at the longest and in 2008 and now 2009 he has gone 3 weeks as the longest stint of sobriety. He is always emotionally abusive and sometimes physically abusive.
Have You Been Playing a Role in the Life of an Alcoholic or Addict?
Though it may be hard to admit it, do you think you could (intentionally or not) be playing a role in the life of an alcoholic or addict?
What is this role?
Ask Angie: I am finding it hard to trust my husband again. We’ve been married for 31 years. this Valentine’s day and in year 28 I found out he was heavily into drugs, which he now claims to be free of, but I still have a hard time believing him because of the extent he wants to hide his use. All the lies, deceit, and now the unwillingness to discuss it with me, leaves me with many unanswered questions.
I write this article at a point in my life when I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and a recovering narcotic addict. It is a timely message for me and one that needs to be written and well read by many people.
Ask Angie: Hello friend in Christ…just wanted to tell you my husband and I have been having issues for a while now. He is in recovery and I am not (although I am not an addict) I need Alanon in my life but find it hard to arrange a ride (no car) and sitter for my 6 yr. old. My husband lives three houses away from our home. I try not to hassle him about time with us but he seems to need time with the AA family more and we really need him to show us emotionally he cares to keep the family together too. I understand he has to stay sober to be a dad/husband of any kind, but to me there is a huge vacancy in our life. I love him with all my heart. We need counseling terribly and church makes me so happy. I’m without a vehicle so life is kind of challenging now.
The best thing you can do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse is to detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. You can do this if you truly love your spouse and want to help them to possible sobriety. The more you focus all your energies on the alcoholic, the less likely he is to get sober. This article focuses on how you can detach and remain healthy mentally.
Don’t Make Alcoholism Your Problem
What do I say to a gay loved one about his lifestyle and God’s Word?
We encourage you to, above all, show the love of Christ. Do not allow yourself to get involved in heated debates. That only brings hurt and anger, which closes doors on the truth. Secondly, do not focus on the behavior. It is not the act of homosexuality that God wants to change. It is the heart that is closed to the truth of God’s Word that needs to be changed. You can convince someone to change his behavior, but that gets him no closer to Heaven. It is the condition of the heart that needs to be changed and then the behaviors will naturally follow.
My boyfriend has been violent towards me in the past. If he promises to change, is it okay if I still marry him?
God has a very specific plan for your life. Before you do anything, you need to seek His will. Marriage is a difficult and serious decision, even when all circumstances seem to be perfect.When you add an issue like violence to the situation, the decision becomes much more difficult.
My husband and I are both Christians, but he gets angry sometimes and has hit me before. What can I do?
God’s plan for every marriage, especially a Christian one, is peace and love. He intends for the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (see Ephesians 5). God has called every husband to spiritual leadership in the family and He has called every wife to submission to that leadership. When this model is not practiced, family members are robbed of the joy that the Lord has planned for them in their Christian home.