I am in constant pain. Sometimes, I just want to be out of my misery, whatever it takes. Is it wrong to feel that way?
It is not wrong to want to be in God’s presence, free from the effects of this world. It isn’t wrong to desire relief from your physical ailments either. But, suicidal thoughts are symptoms of a lack of hope and trust in the Lord. He has a perfect purpose for you, even in the midst of your ailment.
God loves you so much and He has a plan for you, even in the midst of your suffering. Look at what He accomplished through Jesus’ suffering. He can still use you to bless those around you as the watch your strong witness for Christ.
It is good to be Heaven-focused. With that mindset, the world cannot crowd in and close God out. It is also good to pray that you would be healed of your illness. Even Jesus asked God to remove the cup of suffering that He was about to face. But, he prayed that the Lord’s will would be done. I encourage you to follow that example. Ask God to heal you, but also ask that He give you the grace you need to accept your circumstances as they are. He will hear your prayer!
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (I Peter 5:6-7).