If you do something against your marriage, you need to take responsibility for your actions. Don’t say your spouse made you have an affair. How often do I hear, “I had an affair because my wife did”. Or, “I won’t have sex with him because he is controlling me.” “I want a divorce because my husband looks at pornography.” “My wife is an alcoholic and will never stop drinking, so I am having an affair, I deserve it.”
All of the above common marital situations can be rectified and you can both learn from these mistakes and grow into a more loving and giving marriage partner for each other.
Understand that, you and you alone are responsible for what you do in the marriage. Handing the blame over to your spouse, doesn’t cancel out your guilt of the act. It merely gives you a false sense of peace, and it also hurts your spouse tremendously. Don’t make excuses, blame your spouse, or be a coward, stand up and take responsibility for your actions.
When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. “I am innocent of this man’s blood,” he said. “It is your responsibility.” (Matthew 27:35 NIV)
Don’t be a coward like Pilate. Pilate may have washed his hands of Jesus’ blood, but the guilt remained. No one can take our guilt and make it theirs. If you commit adultery, you cannot blame your spouse for your actions and hope the sin will go away. Can your spouse repent for you? No! You have to be remorseful for your own actions if you want forgiveness from your spouse and from Christ.
The point here is this. As Christian’s we are to take care of our responsibilities to the best of our ability and make good use of what we already have. Were talking about blessings and gifts from God. As Christian’s we all have been given certain abilities and talents – use yours to do good with in your marriage.
He said to them. “Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don’t you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” Mark 4:21,23 NIV)
What do you have that can help build up your marriage rather than tear it down? What abilities do you have to encourage your spouse with when they are going through difficulties? Instead of looking away from the truth find ways to be fruitful in your marriage. Help your spouse to see the truth of Christ in you. Don’t hide your spiritual insights but bring them out in the open for your spouse to learn from with you.
For an example if your spouse has a drinking problem or other addiction, don’t condemn them with it. Instead use the gifts God has given you to help them overcome their problems. What? Are you going to hide your lamp under the bed and not use the talents God has blessed you with? Most people do this because of their lack of faith.
“Consider carefully what you hear”, he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you – and even more. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have; even what he has will be taken from him.” (Mark 4:24 NIV)
Did you know the more we use our faith and the more we trust in God for our needs, the more we are blessed with in this life? It works the other way around too. If we don’t use our faith, it will be taken from us. That’s scary!
If your lamp does not help your spouse to see what you see and feel what you feel it is useless. The “I deserve better than this attitude” could keep God’s light from shinning through you to your spouse. As God’s children we are responsible for using well what we have. What do you have that you could use to bring productive changes into your life and marriage?