I know of two couples personally who got married at a young age and then went through tremendous trials and troubles in their marriage, and for one reason or another they ended up divorcing. After a time, and finding their way in life, after even more trials, they ended up remarrying each other again.
Remarriage to the man or woman you first married is more prevalent than you would think. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to have the knowledge beforehand of knowing you will remarry your spouse, so you could skip the divorce part of it, work on the marriage and stay married?
After I analyzed these now quite happy remarriages, I have come to the conclusion that with the correct knowledge, divorce can be skipped and shouldn’t even be an option. In one of the cases mentioned above, the marriage was greatly disturbed by the presence of an alcoholic. And neither partner had come to accept Christ for their life.
Several years later when he got sober and mentally healthier, and she discovered the power of God in her life, they remarried and the marriage is doing great. The couple above is my sister and brother in law. They have been remarried now for over ten years. I do not see divorce again in the future.
In the other case, the couple was again, very young and quite immature. The problems of the marriage were too much stress for them to handle with such undeveloped intentions, besides they just did not have the basis for a solid foundation going for the marriage, and they ended up divorcing. Several years later they rediscovered one another, now mature in their age, both believers in Jesus Christ, they reunited in marriage. And the marriage is flourishing.
I believe that more and more divorced couples could rediscover one another again and remarry. Here’s why. When we get married, we bring baggage with us. We don’t leave it at mom and dads house or the dorm we once lived in. No, the baggage comes right along with us. Maybe it is addiction or predisposition to addiction, or maybe it is plain out selfishness, or maybe it is emotional retardation. Whatever the baggage is, it doesn’t matter.
The point is, whatever baggage we bring into the marriage, we can learn from it with our spouse, or we can give up, impede growth and divorce. The problem with that is we still have the baggage and it will come along with us into all of our relationships until we rid it from ourselves. Past baggage is not who we are it is only a part of the hurdles in life that we need to grow out from and learn by. You can jump the hurdles of baggage, believe me.
Sometimes the pain of baggage really hurts deep and sometimes we suffer through our tribulations onto the next trial. But here is the answer, as simple as it may seem. With God all things are possible. And with God and a sincere belief and complete trust in the Son of God as our Savior, we can get through our problems of suffering and pain. Yes, it will hurt, but we will get through them.
Let me ask you something. If you knew that you would be remarrying your spouse five or ten years later anyway, would you get a divorce? The answer to that is probably not. You would work on the marriage through any means that worked, wouldn’t you?
Knowing that God wants us to stay married to our first love and knowing that He will give us the resources and strength to work on the difficulties of marriage, should give some of you a second chance in your heart to repent, forgive, and work on yourself and marriage. Skip divorce all together! Who needs it anyway? Why put you and the children through such turmoil and suffering of divorce when God has given you the ability to work through your trials and tribulations? Jump over those hurdles with God!
Think about this. I think that more and more divorced couples could and should reunite with their first spouse if one or both of them have not already remarried someone else. After all, in God’s eyes you are still married to your first marriage partner anyway.
Questions for Couples
1. Do you believe “That with God all things are possible?” Explain.
2. If you knew that you would remarry your first love after five years would you still get a divorce?
3. What baggage do you think you have brought into your marriage?
4. How do you think you can handle that baggage instead of divorce?
5. Write down your faults, weaknesses and sins. Then study each one and apply a biblical principal to each one. When you are doing that fault or weakness come back to your principle. Here’s how it works for an example, if it is a fault of yours to be controlling with your wife, then when you find yourself being that way, apply the biblical principle and stop yourself from doing it. This is how we make our bad habits into GOOD habits.
Faults – Weakness – Sins
Work on Yourselves Not on Each Other
This is how we heal ourselves so we can finally restore the marriage. We MUST look at our own faults and sins, and not at our spouse. We MUST focus on ‘our part’ in the marriage, not theirs. They are only responsible for “their part” in the marriage and you are only responsible for “your part” in the marriage. Do you see how that works?