Codependency, Hardship and Stress - A Testimony

I just want to share how God has blessed me. The past few years have been difficult as I've been recovering from codependency. One of the hardest things I've struggled with has been anxiety, which reared its head as I started to let go of the codependent behaviour. I realized that there was so much fear underneath all the controlling I had been doing all those years. I was having panic attacks all the time. had to go on meds for it and depression too. I thought my life was coming to an end because of how bad I felt.

That's why social events like Christmas were a nightmare. I was also reacting to my parents because I had a lot of rejection coming to the surface. I felt like a teenager around them because everything they did made me cringe.
But this Christmas has been amazing for me. i cant put into words just how well I feel, mentally and physically.
I am also a carer of my hubby whose had MS for 24 yrs. So put that together with codep and you have a recipe for disaster. I've learned where my codep started and God is unraveling it all. I'm in awe of what God has done in my life. The wholeness that's coming is beyond words.

I just want to share my experience strength and hope to those who are struggling, maybe at the beginning of recovery that the pain DOES go, it really does. I've done so much grieving and thought my life would only ever be about grieving but I've come through it. My hubby has still got MS, the situation hasn't changed but God has changed me in it.

The other bonus for me is that yesterday my dad said a lovely thing to me before he left our home last night. He said what a lovely day they had had and how proud he was of me and that I was a wonderful lady. This was very special to me because he was affirming me and I have felt so rejected because I my childhood was hard with my parents. A lot of adult child issues. In past years at Christmas hes not been able to get away fast enough after the meal but they stayed and we had a lovely time and I didn't react to them out of woundedness when something was said that triggered me, because I feel as if my wounds are being healed.

I've been in recovery 7yrs and this year has been the best year I've had for years and years. I'm glad to be alive and I'm interested in living again. In fact I'm happier that I have ever been in my whole life. I'm looking forward to what God is going to do next, life feels good. God is so good.

I have been so angry with God and with people about my life. I have learned so much and I wish I could bottle and sell what God has done and continues to do in my life.

I became a christian in 1985, I was 30. My daughters were very small. Two months after I became a christian my hubby was diagnosed with MS. I felt as if I had been catapulted into a nightmare. I know now that God rescued me from a situation would have been hell to live with without Him.It was hell at times with Him too though. A few yrs later when our daughter was 12 she was diagnosed with Diabetes. She nearly died and had to go on injections straight away. God has shown me in recovery that I was chronically stressed for years. He has been taking me through a process of healing and learning how to relax. I have come to realize that I have never been relaxed in my life, until now !!! Wow God is SO AWESOME !!!

He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we could ever ask or think !! I am totally blown away, there are no words to express how i feel. I'm so grateful to God for all he is doing. I am thinking of writing a book about my life and praying about whether to start in the new year. I'm so excited about life.

Sending love to all and hope that this testimony lifts someone

Love Vonny xxxx

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