Why do people betray me when I tell them my secrets?

Matthew 24:10 KJV
And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

Another stop on the road to recovery takes you to the intersection of people and who I said it to. There many warnings signs, directions, instructions and other signpost to consider as you travel the path to self enlightenment. The foundation of this healthy spirit filled life begins with the journey within.

This journey into self teaches many things about who you are and who you are not. It might be the first time in a long time you realize that some of the things you said in order to belong to the group came back to hurt you and you felt you were betrayed. How did this insane way of getting attention affect you? What can you do to protect yourself in recovery? Addiction and alcoholism are about confusion and deceit. They are based on the smoking glasses and half truths about everything in your life.

Recovery teaches when to say things, when not to say things, who to say them to and who not to say them to. In the life of addiction and insanity, you confuse the when, who and what to say and it usually comes back to bite you. No wonder you feel betrayed.

Here are some insights that can help to understand the kinds of people who are in your life and how to approach them with the things you say.

The confidant or soulmate. You can trust him or her with your most intimate thoughts, secrets and experiences. They will not betray you. It is a relationship built on trust and unconditional love. You can tell them anything at any time. They will even carry you and mentor you. The confidant does not expect anything in return. They will help you and keep your secret safe.

Then there are the constituents. You can have a healthy relationship with them as long as you understand your relationship with them. You only share ideas and thoughts with constituents that you want them to know. Constituents will be with you as long as you are for what they are for. An example of a constituent is the person who helps you start a new meeting. Once the new meeting is open and running you might not see the constituent again. They did not abandon you, their common interest with you is over so it is no longer important to be in your life or for that matter for you to want the in your life. When they see that there is nothing left in the relationship for them anymore, they leave. You do not share your dreams, visions and intimate thoughts with constituents because they are going to leave you.

Then there are your comrades. They are the opposite of the constituents. They are against what ever you are against. If that new meeting is planned for Friday night at 8.00 and the other people want it to start at 7.00, you can be certain you will have an ally in a comrade to get the meeting to start at 8.00 pm. They will fight with you. They will stand tall with you as long as the agenda is focused on the battle. They understand that as comrades there are risks and they are willing to take risks. If getting that meeting to start at 8.00 means people will have resentment against them, they do not care. They just want that meeting to start at 8.00. Comrades also do not care how you feel and like the constituent the leave once the goal is accomplished. Unlike the constituent, they will confront you if you change your mind or do the opposite of what started the relationship with you in the first place.

Constituents and comrade do not care about your true feelings and desires. Is it any wonder that when you tell either of them your most intimate thoughts or feelings you could get hurt? They are people who are just passing through.

It can be difficult to figure out who you are dealing with. These relationships are part of the human experience. Healthy communication can be a great defense to keep you out of the trap of betrayal.

If you tell them intimate things that are meant for you confidants so the will not abandon you, it is not the end of the world. When you are clear about what a constituent and a comrade want and how they get it, you can develop healthy relationships with them because you understand at some point they will leave you. There might even be a chance that you can’t wait to get them out of your life.

Finally, look around and check out the people in your life now. Ask yourself, what group do they fall into and why? It just might help you from getting a resentment. Remember to thine own self be true. You might be living with who you think is a confident only to find out that if you lose your job they are ready to say bye bye.

Praise God for those people he put in your life so you can see then for who they are and keep it simple. The lord is our light and our salvation.

May God’s light shine bright in your life.

Jimmy

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Copyright by Jimmy Cathey,
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Jimmy is a freelance writer who has worked for
many years as a certified substance abuse counselor
and program administrator in Hawaii and California.
His blog Addiction Basics http://jcreadingwriter.wordpress.com/
is there to help those who want to find out more about addiction
and ways to develop a support system.
Email Jimmy Cathey

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