Codependency

Overcoming Co-dependency and Attempting to Control

“Behold, I am going to send an angel before you to guard you along the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared." Exodus 23:20


I have a problem. Realizing I have a problem was not easy for me. From the outside looking in, I've always been the girl who had it all together. I had a plan and nothing would veer me away from it. Control over people, situations, and outcomes is the tool I used to cope with my deep problem. Shopping and racking up debt is how I covered up my emptiness.

Step one of my recovery journey began with admitting I have a problem with co-dependency and controlling others. I admitted I am powerless over my addictions, brokenness and sinful patterns—that in my own power my life is unmanageable.

I've not always walked the Christian walk. Days passed by without me giving much thought to how God figured into my life. Years came and went without prayer, obedience, or thankfulness. A Bible sat on a bookshelf gathering dust. Instead, I concerned myself with my expectations of others. This, of course, only led to disappointments. I constantly searched for material "stuff" to fill the gaping hole in my heart. The thrill of the sale item or shiny new thing lasted only a short time, then I was back feeling empty again.

Relationships & Codependency

If you are having problems in a relationship, you may want to consider and ask yourself these questions:

    1. Does this person respect me?

    2. Is this a person I can really communicate with?

    3. Do we resolve conflicts well?

    4. Do we both compromise in a healthy give and take?

    5. Do we both take responsibility for the relationship's successes and problems?

    6. Is there room for me to grow and change in this relationship?

    7. Am I able to reach my own goals within this relationship?

    8. Can I be honest and share my true feelings?

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Testimonies About CIR

The following are unsolicited, direct quotes from real people who have been ministered to by CIR. Though Jesus Christ, CIR impacts lives, saves lives and changes lives.

~*~

Thank you for the many many resources that have helped to benefit me greatly during a long period of recurring losses and depression. I know without a doubt that God led me to the CIR website, and the benefits received during my long membership will continue to be an invaluable gift of healing for myself, and others with whom I can share my uncovered strength and wisdom. Thank you CIR! ~Dolores

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The 12 Steps for Those Who Love an Alcoholic

1. We admitted we were powerless over the lives of our loved ones.

2. We came to believe that Christ could change our way of thinking.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and lives over to Christ, COMPLETELY.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of OURSELVES.

5. We admitted to Christ, ourselves, and to another person the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to have Christ remove all these defects
of character.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Sticks and Stones eBookPremium Content

This wonderful book by Rich Dixon helps you to find freedom in the face of criticism.

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Where Does Your "Precious" Lead You?

The character, Gollum, in J. R. R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings," is a study in addiction and its pitfalls.

This creature was obsessed with the powerful properties of a much-desired ring. Transfixed, he often referred to it as "my precious." This preoccupation, over time, led to his changed, grotesque form; it also contributed to both his torment and his tragedy.

The story portrays Gollum as a struggling being who had "come to love and hate the Ring, just as he loved and hated himself." His unfortunate fate inevitably followed. Upon finally seizing the ring, he fell into a volcano's fires. Both he and his "precious" were destroyed.

Now, how's that for a cautionary tale?

Restoring the Church as a Primary Care Giver

Ten years ago, few of us would have considered chemical dependency, sexual addiction, or eating disorders suitable topics for polite conversation within the church community. These were among the "silent issues" in the church. Today, however, addiction, compulsive behavior and abuse are widely recognized as problems of enormous personal and social significance. Consider these statistics (Washton, Bundy, Willpowers Not Enough, Harper Perenial, 1998).

  • At least six million Americans are addicted to cocaine.
  • Between five million and ten million are addicted to prescription drugs.
  • Ten million Americans are alcoholics.
  • More than 50 million Americans are addicted to nicotine.
  • Countless more are addicted to television, shopping, exercise, sports, and even cosmetic surgery.
  • It is estimated that every addict directly affects at least ten other people.
  • Divorce impacts Christian families as often as secular couples.
  • Abortion is the choice in 1 in 5 pregnancies, since 1973 Roe vs.Wade over 25 million performed.

Emerging Awareness

The Christian community is not immune to these difficulties. Many life-long Christians struggle with addiction. In addition, many people come to Christ hoping to find freedom from the bondage of addiction. Often these new Christians expect their problems will immediately disappear as a result of their conversions. Eventually, however, many discover that true healing requires a lengthy process of righting the wrongs of their past. Some of these people who suffer from addiction, compulsive behavior, or abuse find it difficult to be part of a church community. They may find that within their church, self-defeating behavior is denied, ignored, or minimized by those who use religion to shield themselves from life's realities

Pastors and church leaders are becoming

Men Abused by Women

Even though it is rarely discussed, men can be abused by women verbally, physically, psychologically and/or sexually. Here is extensive information to help you identify and deal with this situation.

What is abuse?
A pattern of controlling behavior
Abuse in intimate relationships is a pattern of behaviour where one partner dominates, belittles or humiliates the other over months and years. Abuse of men by their partners happens when the partner uses emotional, physical, sexual or intimidation tactics. She does it to control the man, get her own way and prevent him from leaving the relationship. The abused man is always adapting his behaviour to do what his partner wants, in the hopes of preventing further abuse.

The primary motive for abuse is to

I'm a Typical Enabler and Victim. Help!

Question: I need help, I am the typical enabler and victim and I do not want my life to continue this way. Please help!

Guidance: I know your pain and suffering first hand. My experience comes from both sides. I grew up with an alcoholic step dad. When I got married I was the alcoholic and my husband was the enabler. I can now look back on my behavior and see how sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually I really was. Only when my husband stopped enabling the addiction did I get help for myself. Praise God I have been sober for 15 years! My personal testimony is written in the book Journey on the Roads Less Traveled.

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