Verbal Abuse

How Can I Forgive When It Hurts So Bad?Premium Content

I know it hurts. It hurts so bad we don’t want to forgive. The pain is unbearable at times and all we really want to do is get revenge, or keep wallowing in the pain that our feelings give us and remain resentful and angry. This is such a common problem in marriage today, so I feel it is worth more than rubies and gold to keep writing about it.

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Are You Trapped Behind an Open Door?Premium Content


I saw a catchy phrase yesterday that summarized the way I seem to live a good deal of my life: trapped behind an open door.

A story’s told of Houdini once being challenged to escape from a jail cell. After he was placed in the cell and left alone, he removed a thin strip of metal concealed in his belt and began working at the lock. But no matter what he tried, he couldn’t unlock the door.

The great magician had been tricked, because the door was never locked. All he had to do was open it, but his belief that the door was locked was sufficient to confine him.

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Understanding Verbal Abuse and AngerPremium Content

Understanding Verbal Abuse and Anger

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Overcoming Violence in the HomePremium Content

Learn how to overcome violence in the home.

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Terri, Trials and Homosexuality

I grew up with three brothers. Two older, one younger. My dad was an alcoholic with a terrible temper and a tendency toward being extremely physically and emotionally abusive. He also was a womanizer. My mom was a good lady, trying the best she could, often on the receiving end of my dads abuse.

I was a tomboy to the hilt. I hated being a girl. My brothers would never include me in their activities because girls weren't allowed. They were very abusive towards me. My dad always called me every foul name in the book that was a derogatory slam on females. I constantly begged God to make me a boy. Maybe then I'd be acceptable to my dad and brothers.

The Need To Be RightPremium Content


Am I the only one who struggles with the need to be right?

Actually, that’s not quite correct. My real issue involves needing others to acknowledge that I’m right.

I get passionate about something, an idea, a cause, a program—nothing wrong with that. But the next thing you know I’m immersed in a knockdown argument with someone who disagrees. I perceive it, but I can’t let it go. Just one last comment, one more tweet, and my desire for the last word becomes an endless series of “one more” responses.

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Sticks and StonesPremium Content

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Really? I think that innocent childhood adage should be revised. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words … can break my heart. Broken bones will mend, but surgery can't heal a broken heart.

This week I've been thinking about criticism. I've discussed Criticism vs Feedback and Keys to Responding To Criticism. One additional thought seems crucial to the basic premise of SetFreeToday.

You might guess that an event in my own life has prompted this analysis, and you'd be correct. I've been watching someone close to me in a wrestling match with criticism disguised as feedback.

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Criticism vs. FeedbackPremium Content

    If you have no heart to change it, you have no right to criticize it.

I'm skeptical whenever someone wants to provide "constructive criticism."

I think criticism is a passive-aggressive form of boasting, an easy way to attract attention while trying to appear concerned. Critics often claim that they're trying to help, but the real intent is to find fault, to highlight some flaw or failure.

In a sadly transparent admission of impotence, the critic tries to cast himself as the expert and raise his perceived status by tearing down someone else. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most fools do."

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Alcoholic Spouse Verbal Abuse and Mind GamesPremium Content

Ask Angie: My spouse abuses alcohol on a nightly basis and then uses verbal abuse and mind games which upset me greatly. When I arrive home from work tired and ready to rest, my spouse is ready to drink, argue and fuss. I do not remember the last time I was able to get a full night of rest. My spouse is bitter, chooses not to forgive and blames me for the drinking. I pray constantly for God is my only refuge. We go to church and it used to be that my spouse would not drink the day of services but now that doesn't seem to matter. My spouse finds something negative each day against me in order to have yet another excuse to stop and pick up the alcohol she abuses the remainder of the evening. Thanks for any assistance and for your prayers.

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Anger FAQPremium Content

The following questions and their answers link to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA) web site. This does not imply an endorsement of BGEA and its related ministries by CIR or visa versa.

We're believers and attend church, but when my husband gets angry he sometimes hits me. What should I do?

I don't see what's wrong with being angry at someone, as long as you don't hurt them or anything like that.

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