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Q: Aren't most offenders strangers?
- A: No. 29% of perpetrators are relatives of the victim, while 60% are
acquaintances and friends. Only 11 % of perpetrators are strangers.
Q: If sexual abuse only happens once, does it really cause any harm or damage?
- A: Sexual abuse is about power and damage to the core identity of a person. Any incidence of sexual
abuse leaves an imprint.
Q: If the abuse isn't violent and causes physical injuries, is it really sexual abuse?
Abuse is usually coercive. In most cases, the child is engaged by means of
persuasion, bribes, and threats, rather than by physical force. A
perpetrator likes to convince the victim and others, that the child was a
willing participant. This causes many victims to experience confusion,
shame, guilt, lowered self - esteem, betrayal of trust, fear of intimate
relationships, and a distorted view of sexuality. Most victims do not have
The following are unsolicited, direct quotes from real people who have been ministered to by CIR. Though Jesus Christ, CIR impacts lives, saves lives and changes lives.
The CIR site is a central meeting point for many who may otherwise not have found and entered recovery -- especially Christians who struggle with secular recovery programs. They find other Christians in the CIR program they can identify with and they can freely speak about their Christian faith and beliefs. This program and web site has helped thousands of people globally with their recovery and spiritual growth.
Hagar couldn't bear to watch - or listen.
She tucked her son beneath the scant shade of a spiny bush, staggered about 100 yards away, and tried to plug her ears against his cries for help. But through the flesh and bone of her fingers, she could still hear him.
"Mama! Water! Please, Mama!" he begged, his voice cracking with adolescence and thirst.
Although the heat was oppressive, Hagar shivered with horror. Her baby was dying and she was helpless against the relentless sun and parched winds.
Soon she, too, would die from thirst. More painful than the thought of her own demise was the pleading voice of her son asking for the basic necessity of life that she could not give him -- water.
Even though it is rarely discussed, men can be abused by women verbally, physically, psychologically and/or sexually. Here is extensive information to help you identify and deal with this situation.
According to Triumph Over Darkness: Understanding and Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Wood, Wendy A. Beyond Words Publishing. April, 1993.
1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.
2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.
3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.
Abuse can take several forms: physical, mental, emotional, religious, sexual, verbal and/or spiritual.
Abuse is rampant in our time. Every day there are stories of teachers, priests, and ministers who have abused someone. The Christian home is not even free from abuse. The abuser is often addicted to their behavior, and they find it very difficult to stop without help. Verbal abuse includes withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, diverting, lying, berating, taunting, putting down, edifying, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.
- If your are greatly disturbed either spiritually, mentally or emotionally, it is imperative that you seek professional help IMMEDIATELY. Online resources and meetings are not to be confused with group therapy or professional counseling sessions.
- Suicide National Hotline
National Suicide Hotline
National Youth Crisis & Suicide Hotline
National Adolescent Suicide Hotline
There is nothing in our journey quite like being quieted in His love. Have you been? Is this a normal part of your walk with Jesus? All of hell is against this! Fear assaults us daily while stress, anxiety, nervous tension, constant worry and trauma work there <insidious plan in our lives. We cannot quiet in His love if focused on these demons. But we must. It is a non-negotiable daily part of our joy in Him. These demons will flee as we quiet in His love!
There's nothing to fear from evil ever again! God Is Present among You 16 Jerusalem will be told: Don't be afraid. Dear Zion, don't despair. 17 Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs. 18 The accumulated sorrows of your exile will dissipate. I, your God, will get rid of them for you. You've carried those burdens long enough. 19 At the same time, I'll get rid of all those who've made your life miserable. I'll heal the maimed; I'll bring home the homeless. In the very countries where they were hated they will be venerated. Zephaniah 3:15b-19, The Message
Truly, what marvelous news this is!
I've had experience with the "or else" fear mentality of anger. Coming from abuse, it was difficult to feel anger and love coexisting simultaneously. Years later, as an adult, it's still been a challenge to untangle the two.
And, in my eating disorder recovery, I've frequently encountered individuals who have also been plagued with the struggle of anger versus love. Most of the time, in talking with young girls and women, if there's ever been a disagreement, they often view it as me "hating" them, all of a sudden. Not true.
Even if/when I'm angry about something, it's not hatred. But, because of the importance subscribed to approval, unless there is an overjoyed, enthusiastic "yes response," rejection, hatred and all manner of negative conclusions are viewed to be the only result.
We have gotten the anger thing quite twisted. Scripture tells us anger will come. How we respond to it is the greater.
Be ye angry, and sin not Ephesians 4:26
Easier said than practiced, I know. But I think a key to it is recognizing anger does not equal hatred/loss of love. We can be angry and love fiercely at the same time.
Someone once said the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. Good point.
Will I ever get over the pain of the child abuse I suffered?
God has a special place in His heart for all little children, but I cannot imagine the way He grieves over an innocent child who suffers at the hand of a parent.
If you are reading this and have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord, Savior, and true Father, I can understand that. How difficult it must be for a person who suffered abuse to believe in a loving Father. The heart wants to believe, but the mind shouts, "No, No, protect yourself." Right? Just imagine, though, that God, in His loving mercy, wants desperately to be all that your earthly parent was not. He wants to surround you with love and security, with hope and a future—all that your earthly parent robbed you of. Receive it from Him.