Reconciliation

I don’t know much about jazz except that I usually like it, especially live. I’m thinking that our lives might be a little richer if they were a little more like jazz.

Jazz music is sort of unscripted. Each song has a basic melody and sometimes words, but the performance is spontaneous. Real jazz isn’t rehearsed like a lot of other music—it’s more of a live interaction between the musicians. They practice and develop their individual skills, but the music happens when they play off one another.

If you really want to save your marriage, you must start with a clean slate. That means to get rid of the worldly attitudes and practices that have polluted your marriage and follow God’s plan for your marriage instead. We’re so used to treating our marriage like everyone else does, or the way we were taught, or from what we think is the right way to handle it, but look where all that has gotten many of our marriages of today.

Do you want your marriage nursed back to health? If you want your marriage restored it will take some effort on your part. Stop peering over the fence at your neighbor, and put your eyes back in your own yard where they belong.

First, the offended spouse needs to forgive completely (see my article, forgive a cheating spouse), and secondly the offender has to understand why he strayed from the marriage bed in the first place. Infidelity is only a symptom of a greater problem within the framework of the marriage.

If you have been unfaithful or have anything else pulling you away from your spouse, ask yourself why? What am I doing that would cause me to be disloyal? Don’t blame your spouse for your weakness. Grow up and take responsibility.

When all the fighting and protesting is done, God waits for me to draw near to Him. I think that I make more trouble for myself than my own circumstances ever do. I try to control, to manipulate, to manage. And all that is so painful because I am working in a realm where I have no ability and certainly no talent. When I'm honest (which I'm finding isn't nearly as often as I'd like it to be), I can admit that I'm really not very good at decisions. Many of the ones I've made have been simply horrible with drastic results. But when I wait on God and allow Him to make the decisions, things work out so much better. He's really so much better at decisions than I am, and rightly so, because He sees the future and knows what's best for me.

Stop everything you’re doing and write down these principled ways for reconnecting and restoring the broken bonds with your spouse. Apply each of these principles every day until you have completed them all. Don’t worry about what your spouse will say or do, just do these steps for yourself and for God.

Forgive Your Spouse

Ask Angie: Is divorce the only answer for a repeat cheater?

Ask Angie: How do I stop him from cheating on me?

Ask Angie: My husband confessed to cheating I was so hurt I threw him out of our home and we are now separated, he has been treating me worse than ever and is acting like he was when I suspected his cheating what should I do? I'm so confused.

Ask Angie: My husband left me and moved in with a woman, for the second time! He came back complaining about her but left again. I am a Christian and want my husband back. He's been gone 5 weeks with no contact. We have 3 children. The woman he is with is married too, and to number 4? Is restoration a reality?

They will see His face! Revelation 22:4

John says that in heaven, "we shall be like Christ--for we shall see Him as He is." 1 John 3:2. While we look upon the brightness of our Master's face--its beauty is imprinted upon us! Looking upon Christ--makes us like Him!

Which are you—left, right, or somewhere in the middle?

We’re apparently programmed to think of nearly every aspect of our lives in terms of a linear continuum.

Politics provides the most obvious example. Left/right, liberal/conservative, red/blue. While most of us don’t reside at an extreme, we’re certainly conditioned to think of ourselves at least on one side or the other of center.