Testimonies

A Believer Who Struggles with Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, Sexual Addiction and Codependency

Hi, I’m Sharon, a believer who struggles with depression, anxiety, alcoholism, sexual addiction, and codependency. It’s taken half a century, and five marriages and divorces, and a near-fatal car accident but here I am. I’m glad to be here to share my story with you . As Romans 8:38 & 39 proclaims:

...I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I believe this whole-heartedly because I’ve been in some situations I should NOT have survived. I spent years of my life trying to separate myself from God. But God, through Jesus, has walked with me every step.

I grew up in a small country town in New Mexico. We weren’t well off, but we weren’t dirt poor. My father worked hard as a welder to support the family and my mom stayed home with the kids. There were four of us. My older brother and sister were from my mom’s first husband and they were 9 and 11 years older than me. Because they were so much older, I really had no relationship with them. My sister married when I was in 2nd grade. My older brother was out of the house shortly after that and I don’t really have many memories of him growing up. My younger brother and I were from Mom’s second marriage to my dad.

In CIR I Felt Compassion - Even When I was Really Messed Up

I have been sponsored on CIR a few key moments in my life. Sponsored financially (by CIR's scholarship program) that is. In those times of utter despair, then a few years later with a slight man and meth problem, then the true spiritual convictions on my pornography issues, & then there's the really destructive behaviors.

A Testimony: Depression, BPD, Unmanagable Anger, Suicidal Thoughts

I am 47 years old now. One of the greatest difficulties I have found in coping with BPD - in addition to experiencing all emotions in a very intense manner - is my severe anger-control problem. I have also struggled with deep, dark, suicidal depressions - sometimes lasting for many months. Intense, agonizing anxiety has been another symptom of this disorder that has created great pain in my heart, and which has led me to isolate myself for a great part of my adult life due to my phobia of social settings and general anxiety whenever I am not in my "safe zone", which means my apartment.

Interview with CIR's Director

Click on the button below to hear the interview:

Depression and No Self-worth

I've struggled and been in horrible, depressing bondage most of my life because I had no concept of self-worth and somehow that became tied to my appearance. I've struggled since a young teen with BDD, "body dysmorphic disorder", a totally disabling disorder where the person sees themselves as so ugly and hideously deformed, they feel they have no right to even be alive and fear to be around others. I eventually turned to drink as my 'coping mechanism" because that was the only way I could be around others and feel somewhat human. I'd been in and out of the hospital 7 times and had seen more Dr's and taken more meds (often while still drinking) than I can remember. I even had shock therapy to try and overcome the overwhelming depression and hatred for myself.

I Was Saved, But I Had Lost the Joy

Before I joined Christians in Recovery is was becoming very introverted, I was saved but had lost the joy. I had allowed myself to become very self centered, due to many stressful situations in my life.

When I discovered CIR I found so many caring people filled with the love of Christ and just wanting to help anyone who asked. It made me stop and think, that's what it's all about not just recovery but Christianity, helping and encouraging each other, I can see the light of God shining through so many people here.

Terri, Trials and Homosexuality

I grew up with three brothers. Two older, one younger. My dad was an alcoholic with a terrible temper and a tendency toward being extremely physically and emotionally abusive. He also was a womanizer. My mom was a good lady, trying the best she could, often on the receiving end of my dads abuse.

I was a tomboy to the hilt. I hated being a girl. My brothers would never include me in their activities because girls weren't allowed. They were very abusive towards me. My dad always called me every foul name in the book that was a derogatory slam on females. I constantly begged God to make me a boy. Maybe then I'd be acceptable to my dad and brothers.

There was no Hope for Me

No-one wanted to deal with me. I was a lost cause to all, that is except for God.

I have been told by many to remain silent. That God would not use a person such as what I was. That miracles do not happen now-a-days, and on and on. It's not understood, so I guess it isn't to be mentioned. That sentiment has came from numerous local believers & church leaders as well as from the majority, seemingly, from the twelve step community here.

But I am not to remain silent. I must serve God rather than man regardless of what others think or believe. I feel inadequate enough, and there is no time for hate and debate. Bill W. had one.

Twenty Two Years of Living Hell

I had been saved and baptized at the age of 13. I was pulled away from my relationship I had with Jesus because of lack of knowledge, sin and not keeping up with prayer and reading my Bible. I had been involved with a couple of seances and Ouija boards with some friends even though I hadn't believed in them or worshiped that kind of thing. I only did it to go along with my friends and actually thought it was all rigged. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening! Shortly after I had been saved I had been visited by satan in my bedroom. I believe that night his demons had attached themselves to me because within a short period of time after that night there was such a sudden change in my behaviour and moods that it was thought that there was something medically wrong.

Drinking Controlled Me

I have come to the point in my life where I realize that I am an alcoholic. I fought that at first.

I prayed heaps - asked God for signs and miracles - he gave me heaps.

I wanted to control my drinking - it controlled me.

I went to a "secular" counselor. I hated him. He challenged me about my faith. I hated that even more.

In the end, desperate, I gave my problem to God. I clung on to the text from
"those who wait upon the Lord shall walk and not faint . . ." - that's all I wanted but our gracious God is enabling me to rise up with eagle's wings. I have days of rebellion and struggle but God is faithful.

Praise his name.

~ Sue

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