Posts Tagged ‘rejection’

Where Did They (We) Go Wrong?

Wednesday, March 9th, 2016

Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. (Matthew 22:15)

It’s not an isolated incident. Religious leaders were always seeking opportunities to twist Jesus’ words, catch Him breaking a rule–anything to discredit Him and diminish His increasing influence among the people. We’ve read the stories so often, maybe we take them for granted.three four

The religious leaders are the bad guys, right? Except, they’re not. Not really. The Pharisees were folks who tried really hard to get it right, but somewhere along the way they got lost.

Ever wonder what might have happened if they approached Jesus differently?

What would have happened if they assumed the best rather than the worst?

What if they started from a place of trust instead of suspicion? What if they assumed He meant well instead of harm? What if they assumed He had everyone’s best interest at heart?

What would have happened if they asked before they judged or condemned?

What if they assumed they didn’t know the whole story? What if they genuinely desired to understand before deciding?

You and I can’t change the interactions between Jesus and the religious leaders of His day. But every day I (and I’ll bet you) encounter situations, discussions, teachings, and decisions that don’t make sense. It’s so tempting to jump to a conclusion, judgement, condemnation based on my perspective.

What if I always assumed best intentions?

What if I make sure I understand before I decide?

What if I always lead with love and grace?

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
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Copyright by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance
. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com

Why Is The Other Guy So Unreasonable?

Monday, February 15th, 2016

It’s awfully easy to say, “You’re wrong. You’re an idiot. You’re a loser.”

Not all that yelluseful, though. Shouting at the guy on the other side (who thinks you’re wrong) isn’t likely to close the gap.

If your only goal is to sound cool to your own team by belittling the losers on the other side, I guess finding clever ways to highlight their mistakes makes sense. Otherwise, it only makes a difficult situation worse.

Here’s an uncomfortable fact: people make decisions for a reason. Folks with similar backgrounds and similar perceived options usually make similar choices. So if you want to know why someone made a particular decision, you must take the time to listen and understand their story.

That’s called empathy. Doesn’t mean you agree, only that you make the effort to understand and communicate your understanding.

There are two ways to close the gap.

The short path of violence. Get a bigger club (physical, economic, verbal, political, social), beat the other guy over the head, and force him to your side. Immediate gratification, almost no opportunity for long-term reconciliation.

The long path of nonviolence. Choose relationship, of empathy, of humility, of service, of love. Little possibility of immediate gratification, the only path to long-term reconciliation.

Arc Universe

Jesus spent much of His time with the folks on the other side. They were the losers of His day, and He showed us what might happen when we let go of power and choose empathy and humility.

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Dixon
Copyright by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:

Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance
. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com

Whose Truth Is It?

Thursday, February 11th, 2016

truth1I believe in absolute truth.

I also know humans view truth through the imperfect lens of their own experience. As the picture indicates, it’s impossible to consider truth independent of the perspective of the observer.

Truth is a cylinder. From my perspective, it’s a circle. You’re certain it’s a square.

I’ve observed that people of good will who love Jesus with all their hearts can reach different conclusions on many issues. I believe we must listen to one another and accept the reality that we all see through a glass darkly.

We must major in the majors and minor in the minors.

What unites matters more than what divides.

Can you see the benefit of understanding that where you see a circle and the other person sees a square, the reality may be a cylinder?

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Dixon
Copyright by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:

Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance
. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com

How Can You Avoid Being Deceived?

Friday, January 15th, 2016

“How could I have believed all of Pete’s lies? Janie said through tears. She sat across from me in my office and twisted the shoulder straps on her purse.

“He said he loved me and wanted to marry me.” Janie looked at the floor and shook her head. “He told me he lost his job because he defended mistreated employees.”

“I sense your shame and guilt for believing Pete. He must have sounded convincing.”

Between sobs, she said, “He sure did. He said he would have more money but he had house payments and utilities in his home state and the apartment rent here. All the time we dated, he had a girlfriend in his home caring for his children. She paid his utility bills and enough to cover the rent.”

“You didn’t completely believe him, Janie. I want to congratulate you for taking your time in the relationship and not marrying him.”

With a smile, she said, “At least I did that much right.”

How about you? With online dating services, social media, singles events, etc. you could meet someone like Pete too. How can you avoid it?

The Test of Time
First, take your time. Don’t rush into a serious relationship or marry on impulse. If someone tries to rush you, take it as a danger signal.

His Family, Friends, and Coworkers
Secondly, get to know the person’s family, friends, and coworkers. See how he treats them. Observe their conversations and behavior. If he makes excuses to keep you from them, consider that trouble.

Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers
Third, let him meet your family, friends, and coworkers. Ask them later for an honest opinion and listen. They care about you.

Social Media
Fourth, if he is on social media, compare what he tells you against the social media profiles and posts. Check his friends or connections.

Criminal Background Check
Fifth, do an online free criminal background check.

Prayer
Last but not least, pray daily. Ask God for wisdom and discernment.

2 Thessalonians 2:3: “Don’t let anyone deceive you in any way.”

Dear God, keep me from deceitful personal and business relationships. Amen.

Application: What will you do this week to avoid being deceived?

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Not a member of CIR yet? Join us Today!Copyright by Yvonne Ortega, LPC, LSATP, CCDVC
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Yvonne is a Speaker, Author, Counselor, Cancer Survivor and
serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery.
She is the author of
“Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward”
Download her One Sheet at http://www.yvonneortega.com.
If you would like to have her speak for your organization or church, please contact her through
her website: http://YvonneOrtega.com

The Pain of Self-rejection

Tuesday, January 5th, 2016

There is no pain quite like the sting left in the wake of self-rejection. Yet, our own failures open the door to the possibilities discovered in the feeling and knowing of regret and guilt. It is bravery of the highest degree to plumb the depths of our secret war with ourselves. “To thine own self be true.”

Freedom is sweetest once we are released from the dark dungeons of hiding and denial. It begins while allowing the pain of self-rejection to push us toward the light found only in the brutal, honest, fearless, inventory of our?self. Beyond that veil we begin to discover the boundless realities of Grace!

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, BUT shouts to us in our pain.” C. S. Lewis

God shouts Grace, Grace to us in our pain! Only the shouts of Grace drown out all the other voices. While beginning to listen more to the shouts of Grace, “we find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand??out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”

We discover in the midst of all these shouts of grace that “He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway…God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.” (Romans 5, Msg.)

Christ arrived right on time, in the midst of our failure and deepest denial. “And that’s not all. We throw open our door to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us.” And in the open door of Grace, we are flooded for the first time with the light of true self?discovery!

While my own doing completely disqualified me; his doing now defines me. I am what I am by the grace of God. I am because he is! His grace was not wasted on me; instead I am inspired to labor beyond the point of exhaustion, more than anything I ever did under the law of performance; whatever it is that I accomplish now has grace written all over it. I take no credit for it. (1Corinthians 15:10 Mirror Bible)

Through him we received both the generous gift of his life and the urgent task of passing it on to others who receive it by entering into obedient trust in Jesus. (Romans 1:5, The Message Bible)

There’s something bigger going on…but; that is the rest of our stories!
Ron Ross

Check out this video on YouTube:

No Christmas Family Reunion for Me!

Monday, December 14th, 2015

“I don’t want to go to the Christmas family reunion, Ms. Ortega,” Julia told me in my counseling office. Her hands trembled as she spoke and unbuttoned her sweater.

“What makes you say that?” I asked as I looked into her blue eyes.

“My mom and dad will argue most of the day. My aunt Mary won’t speak to my aunt Dorothy, and each will act as if the other one isn’t there.”

Julia’s facial muscles tightened as she discussed the family dynamics. I waited to hear what else she might say.

“That’s only half of the story.” Julia sat in silence for a minute and stared out the window. “My sister expects everyone to do what she wants, or she will get angry, curse, and cut them out of her life. My uncle Charlie will get drunk and misbehave.”

In my experience as a counselor, I’ve heard similar stories. Perhaps you feel like Julia and don’t want to go to your Christmas family reunion either.

You can write a list of the pros and cons of attending and then decide. You can consider other ways to spend Christmas day.

If your family members want to know why you won’t attend the family reunion, tell them you want a peaceful Christmas or have other plans.

You can invite good friends and neighbors to your home for a peaceful Christmas dinner.

Psalm 34:14b: “Seek peace and pursue it.”

Dear God, I want Christmas to be peaceful not hostile. Amen.

Application: What will you do this week to “seek peace and pursue it”?

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Not a member of CIR yet? Join us Today!

Copyright by Yvonne Ortega, LPC, LSATP, CCDVC
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Yvonne is a Speaker, Author, Counselor, Cancer Survivor and
serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery.
She is the author of
“Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward”
Download her One Sheet at http://www.yvonneortega.com.
If you would like to have her speak for your organization or church, please contact her through
her website: http://YvonneOrtega.com

When Christmas Is Hard

Wednesday, December 9th, 2015

Have you lost a loved one or been through a divorce? Have you faced a major move or the loss of a job? Have you received a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness or made a significant change in your lifestyle?

If you answered, “Yes,” to any one of these questions, Christmas may be a struggle for you. It may not be a warm “fuzzy” time of Christmas cookies, carols, and cards.

You may not feel like eating Christmas cookies or singing Christmas carols. You may not want to send Christmas cards or enjoy reading the ones that you receive. You may not want to be caught up in the social whirlwind of plans, parties and programs.

Please don’t force yourself or fake feelings you don’t have. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to rest, to write in your journal, and to seek peace and quiet.

You may need more time in prayer, Bible study, meditation, and praise and worship. That’s okay.

Soft relaxing piano, harp, or guitar music may soothe you. Listen to it and take care of yourself.

Psalm 85:8: “I will listen to what God the Lord says;?he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants.”

Dear God, I’m lonely and tired. Please help me. Amen.

Application: What will you do this week to experience God’s peace?

 

You are Not a Label!

Monday, November 30th, 2015

An odd question brings us today’s word-of-the-week…

LABELS

“What kind of quadriplegic are you?”

Seriously. Now I not only have to be labeled as a quad, but there are subcategories? I’m getting really tired of labels.

The guy’s sister just had a car accident and he was seeking information. Parents relayed a ton of stuff by phone and I was someone to talk to. I get it.

But I remember a few weeks after my injury. Docs told me I fell into certain categories, slapped labels on my chart, and pronounced sentence.

“You likely won’t live past age 50.” (I was 36 at the time, 27 years ago.)

“You’ll have limited physical independence.” (I taught full-time in a public school classroom for 21 years after my injury; I’ve handcycled nearly 35,000 miles.)

You get the idea. Labels chunk people into categories so we can make broad assumptions about the people in those categories.

Liberal. Conservative. Evangelical. Mainline. Gay. Protestant. Catholic. Black. White.

Muslim.

Each label conjures an image and a bunch of stereotypes that likely don’t describe most of the individuals in any of the groups.

Jesus didn’t do labels, because He saw individuals. He didn’t accept or reject anyone because of the group they came from or any other such silliness.

Think you’re immune from the labeling disease? I had coffee a while back with a friend who casually mentioned, as a tangent to our conversation, that we’d all be better off without Democrats. I chuckled and told him I was registered as a Democrat. His face fell. “I hope you’re joking.” Then he changed the subject.

Labels are lazy shortcuts. Once I know you’re “one of those” I can stereotype you. I don’t have to bother with the hard work of knowing you as a person.

I’m weary of labels. They’re too frequently about fear, bullying, and anger. They’re nearly always about divisiveness.

What kind of quadriplegic am I? I’m the kind who sits in a wheelchair and dreams God-sized dreams.

A challenge: Look for the labels you use to categorize people–or yourself.

It’s Monday! This would be a good week to see people rather than labels.

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Not a member of CIR yet? Join us Today!Dixon
Copyright by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance
. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com

“Christ is King, but life’s still hard.”

Monday, November 9th, 2015

flower“Christ is King, but life’s still hard.”

I looked at his lined, weathered face and thought I’d rarely heard a better seven-word sermon. I also thought I likely had no idea what “hard” meant in his world.

It’s easy to discover the truth of either half of my friend’s statement. When the sun shines and all the traffic lights are green, it’s easy to count our blessings and praise God. When everything’s going great, praise songs and “Christ is King!” seem like the most natural thing in the world.

But imagine my friend, trying to peer over the edge of addiction, clinging by his fingernails and hoping he won’t slip back into the abyss. When you’re a few months from desperation, “Life’s still hard” makes complete sense.

The simple, difficult reality: like my friend, we live in the tension between these two realities. I think we miss something whenever we lose sight of either side.

I hope I’ll  stop in the midst of trial or pain to remind myself: Christ is indeed King. I don’t advocate platitudes in place of love and empathy, but I also don’t want to forget that Jesus walks with me in times of trial.

On the other hand, we can get so focused on worship that we discount the hard realities faced by others. Jesus spent much of His time comforting those folks, and reminded us that in this world we would have our share of trouble.

Life’s still hard. We face the hardship with hope because Christ is King.

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Not a member of CIR yet? Join us Today!Dixon
Copyright by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance
. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com

When Trust Is Shattered

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015

“He told me he’s sorry and will never look at another woman again,” Betsy said. She reached for the tissue box on my desk. “He said he loves me. I don’t believe him anymore, Ms. Yvonne.”

“His infidelity has shattered your trust. Right now, you can’t trust him.”

With a nod, Betsy said, “I don’t. If he says he has to go to work early or stay late, I think he’s lying.” She unbuttoned her purple jacket and removed it. “If the phone rings, and he races to answer it, I wonder if it’s the other woman.”

“That’s a natural reaction. If the situation were reversed, he wouldn’t trust you right away either. Trust is earned over time.

I explained that in Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, to repent means “to change one’s mind or purpose always . . . for the better.” Vine’s also says that in the New Testament, repentance refers to sin, and “this change of mind involves both a turning from sin and a turning to God.”

She sat in silence for a few moments and stared out my office window. Then she whispered, “How will I know if he’s really repented and has turned from infidelity?”

“You may not for a while. Time will tell. It will require patience on your part and his.

Can you identify with Betsy? Because of your husband’s infidelity, do you wonder whether you can believe a word he says? Does he try to make you feel guilty for not trusting him immediately?

2 Corinthians 7:10: “Godly sorrow brings repentance.”

Dear God, my husband’s infidelity left me devastated. Show me what to do. Amen.

Application: What will you do this week to help you understand the process of rebuilding trust?

CIR Members can share their thoughts regarding this blog HERE
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Not a member of CIR yet? Join us Today!Copyright by Yvonne Ortega, LPC, LSATP, CCDVC
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Yvonne is a Speaker, Author, Counselor, Cancer Survivor and
serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery.
She is the author of
“Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward”
Download her One Sheet at http://www.yvonneortega.com.
If you would like to have her speak for your organization or church, please contact her through
her website: http://YvonneOrtega.com