Archive for the ‘Step 9’ Category
Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
Many of us may lose a mother, a sister, an aunt, a child or a friend to domestic violence.
Someone else may come along and tell us, “You need to forgive the batterer.” However, we may wonder why we need to forgive him after the horrible things he did.
We may secretly hope the batterer gets the electric chair or life in prison without parole and no visitors.
Vivid memories of the tragedy and the abuse that led up to it swirl in our minds.
In Jeremiah 17:9, God tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
God knew the heart of man and the sins man would commit. He knew what that batterer would do to our loved ones, and He also knew how we would react. Jesus says in Luke 6:37, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
It’s not easy to forgive, but it’s not impossible either.
Jesus speaks several times in the New Testament about forgiveness.
It must be that Jesus doesn’t consider forgiveness a four-letter word.
Tags: anger, Attitudes, Choices, forgiveness, hatred, healing, humility, New Beginning, Pain, peace, rejection, relationships, Responsibility, unforgiveness, verbal abuse
Posted in Abuse, Attitudes, Choices, For Friends & Family of Dysfunctional People, Responsibility, Step 4, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9 | Comments Off
Wednesday, March 14th, 2012
I’m glad I’m not a preacher. I hate to imagine the mess I’d create by trying to tell others how to follow Jesus. I have enough trouble figuring out my own messed-up journey.
I’m also glad I’m not a preacher because I’d probably end up spreading all sorts of heresy. It’s bad enough when I get these weird ideas about God. It’s good that no one actually thinks I know what I’m talking about.
One of my recent weird ideas involves why God wants me to do certain things. For example, why does He instruct me to glorify Him in whatever I do?
I’m thinking that God doesn’t need my admiration or affirmation. He knows who He is. My petty worship does nothing for Him. Why in the world would He care?
I know it’s more complex than this, but what if He cares because He knows it’s what’s best for me? What if it’s not about adding something to Him—a silly notion—but rather about helping me to live the way He made me?
What if the stuff He wants me to do isn’t for His benefit at all? Makes sense, since He’s God and there’s really not much I can do for Him.
What if Jesus’ “servant leader” model is really God’s core character? I have absolutely nothing to offer, but He enters into relationship with me anyway, simply because He loves me. So when God tells me to do everything for His glory, what if it’s not what He needs but what makes my life full and rich, exactly the way He designed it?
What if “it’s not about Rich” isn’t intended to diminish me. What if God’s direction toward an others-centered perspective is precisely what I need to be completely fulfilled?
Maybe I’m nuts. I’d love to hear your thoughts. But how does all of this relate to the title: Why Forgive?
What if forgiving isn’t just an arbitrary command, some capricious test of obedience to see if we’re paying attention? What if it’s really pointing toward the absolute best, most fulfilling life?
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
What if Jesus forgave his killers because He knew it was the most life-affirming, fully human response available? What if forgiving and serving aren’t boundaries but the ultimate path to perfect freedom?
Wow. That’s a lot of “what-if’s.”
I’m glad I’m not a preacher.
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2008-2012 by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of: 
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, fellowship, forgiveness, hatred, humility, New Beginning, relationships, Responsibility, unforgiveness
Posted in Attitudes, Choices, General Recovery, Responsibility, Step 4, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9 | Comments Off
Friday, January 27th, 2012
Humble yourselves. That sounds obscene. At least to the culture of self-promotion and “get ahead at all cost” and “don’t look back, the competition is gaining on you” it sounds obscene.
Humility is a forgotten virtue. Often confused with weakness or timidity, humility is about knowing our proper place in the world without flaunting it. Only God can exalt in a permanent way, so the key is to know our place before him and let him put us in the place he chooses to honor him.
A humble heart is tender towards God, and He responds when it cries out to Him. And that may be why He sometimes allows hard things into our lives – to bring forth the fruit of humility.
As God does great things in our midst, we don’t ever want to forget what He’s brought us through. We can do nothing without His intervention. But as we keep humble, contrite, tender hearts, there is no end to what He can accomplish not merely in our own lives, but for our children’s children.
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2010-2012, Chaplain Michael Clark
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Chaplain Clark is a Speaker and Writer,
Addiction Counselor/Professional
as well as a Recovery Support Specialist
Shadows of the Cross Ministries, Prison and Recovery Ministry
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, healing, humility, New Beginning, rebellion, respect, Responsibility, self-will
Posted in Attitudes, Choices, Faith, For Friends & Family of Dysfunctional People, General Recovery, New Beginning, Renewal, Responsibility, Step 10, Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9 | Comments Off
Tuesday, January 10th, 2012
If you’re committed to doing something differently in 2012 you might be thinking about
CHANGE
In Isaiah 43:18 God says, “I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up! Do you not perceive it?”
I believe He’s doing a new thing. My problem is the “perceiving” part. Last week I posted a story over at Rich’s Ride called The First Ride. Here’s my take on the lesson from that simple event.
Life mostly doesn’t consist of dramatic changes and momentous decisions. Your present situation is the amalgamation of thousands of small choices that accumulate over months and years. We want to believe we can change course in an instant, but altering your long-term path is more like steering an aircraft carrier. Rather than instantaneous ninety-degree turns, life is more about one-degree corrections.
We don’t like slow, small change. We want to see results right now, and one-degree turns take a long time to show up. On a ten-foot journey a one-degree course change only alters your final position by about two inches. But if you maintain that one-degree alteration for one thousand miles your location changes by more than seventeen miles.
Each of us is one small choice, a single one-degree course correction, from a radically altered life. The changes don’t usually show up immediately. Life is long-term because God is long-term. Certainly there are times when God steps in and causes a one-eighty. But more often He works through everyday situations and circumstances.
I moved a bike I couldn’t move. That’s a miracle that changed my course, but nobody watching on that day would have recognized it. It’s the kind of miracle that’s only apparent downstream after hundreds and thousands of miles when you understand that you’re a long distance from where the original course would have led. It’s a one-degree miracle, and it alters everything that follows.
Perhaps it’s not water to wine, but it’s no less a miracle.
Mostly I think God works in our lives through one-degree miracles. We need to open our eyes and look carefully if we want to perceive them.
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2008-2012 by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, failure, New Beginning, Responsibility, sin, slip, worry
Posted in Ability to Overcome, Choices, General Recovery, New Beginning, Renewal, Responsibility, Step 3, Step 4, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9, Things to Ponder | Comments Off
Thursday, December 8th, 2011
“If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24, NKJV
Regrets. We all have them, don’t we? But one thing I’ve learned as we come closer to the end of our earthly life: ultimately it isn’t what we didn’t do for ourselves that we regret so much as what we didn’t do for others. I have absolutely no regrets over any kindness I’ve offered, any selfless deed I’ve performed, or any gift I’ve given. If I regret anything it’s those times I could have given but chose not to; times I served myself rather than others; times I spoke an unkind word rather than a healing one.
Billy Graham, in Nearing Home, writes, “Don’t come to the end of your life and look back with regret over a hurt that could have been forgiven or a relationship that could have been healed—if you had only seized the initiative and taken the first step.” Now is the time—right now, today, even this very moment—to seize the initiative and take that first step toward reconciling a broken relationship or encouraging someone in need or giving of yourself. How easy to put it off and tell ourselves we’ll do it “later,” but we aren’t promised later. This may be our only chance.
If we love God and regularly offer up praise and worship, prayers and thanksgiving to Him, then we need to heed the admonition in Matthew 5 to FIRST go to that one we’ve offended (or who has offended us) or from whom we are estranged for whatever reason—and do whatever we can to make it right. That person may or may not accept our efforts, but we will have gone a long way in ensuring we don’t reach the end of our earthly journey with a cartload of regrets following along behind us.
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2011 Kathi Macias, all rights reserved. Used by permission.
Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer who has authored 30 books. 
“Beyond Me. Living a You-first Life in a Me-first World”
and
“Mothers of the Bible Speak to Mothers of Today”
Tags: Attitudes, bondage, Choices, failure, Pain, Responsibility
Posted in Ability to Overcome, Assurance, Attitudes, Choices, For Friends & Family of Dysfunctional People, General Recovery, Renewal, Responsibility, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9 | Comments Off
Monday, November 28th, 2011
Good apologizers are humble, willing to take honest inventory of their lives and actions, and willing to do what is necessary to make things right with God and others.
Bad apologizers are filled with pride and an unwillingness to admit wrongdoing. Their theme song is, “Sin in others I can see, but praise God there’s none in me!”
What kind of an apologizer are you?
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2011, Chaplain Michael Clark
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Chaplain Clark is a Speaker and Writer,
Addiction Counselor/Professional
as well as a Recovery Support Specialist
Shadows of the Cross Ministries, Prison and Recovery Ministry
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, forgiveness, humility, motives, New Beginning, reconciliation, relationships, Responsibility
Posted in Attitudes, Choices, General Recovery, New Beginning, Responsibility, Step 8, Step 9 | Comments Off
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
Proverbs 24:29: “Do not say, ‘I’ll do to him as he has done to me; I’ll pay that man back for what he did.’”
We can’t get through life without being hurt by someone. At some point in our lives, someone may abuse or exploit us, a family member, or a friend.
Our natural inclination is to seek revenge. That person will be sorry.
The world tells us, “Don’t get mad. Get even.” We may consider that advice.
However, God has another plan. He sets a higher standard for us. He doesn’t want us to get even. He never appointed us to be judge or jury. That’s his job (Romans 12:19).
Infidelity and abuse cause a person to scream for vengeance. Injustice occurs at work and elsewhere, and again we long for vengeance.
God loves us too much to abandon us to our own devices. He avenges the situation in his time, and we’re free to go on with our lives.
Dear God, thank you that I don’t have to worry about vengeance. Amen.
Application: What injustice in your life will you let God handle?
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2011, Yvonne Ortega, LPC, LSATP, CCDVC
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Yvonne is a Speaker, Author, Counselor, Cancer Survivor and
serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery.
She is the author of Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer.
Visit her website: http://YvonneOrtega.com
Tags: Abuse, Attitudes, Choices, criticism, forgiveness, hatred, Pain, reconciliation, rejection, relationships, Responsibility, unforgiveness, verbal abuse
Posted in Abuse, Attitudes, Choices, For Friends & Family of Dysfunctional People, Responsibility, Step 12, Step 9, Things to Ponder | Comments Off
Saturday, February 19th, 2011
“I’m sorry.” Why are those two little words so difficult to say?
I made a mistake. I need to apologize. It’s not that hard.
So why is it so hard?
Maybe there’s a better question. Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry and really mean it? Or even better, what does it mean to really mean it?
That’s the real question: what does “being sorry” really mean?
Apologize … and MEAN it
I know this will shock you, but I occasionally broke the rules as a kid. I recall my mom telling me to apologize to someone. I’d comply grudgingly, and she’d say, “Now go back and say it like you MEAN it.”
Dad was a bit more concrete. “If you’re not sorry, I’ll MAKE you sorry!” Mostly an idle threat, but it worked on a little kid.
Sorry was about feeling bad. Sorry meant regret and shame and fear. If you felt enough of that stuff, then you were really sorry.
Jesus didn’t say much about feeling sorry, but He did talk about repentance. In Luke 13:3 He says, “…But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”
Especially coming from Jesus, that’s the sort of thing you take seriously. Repent or die? I’ll feel bad, guilty, scared—I’ll feel guilty and regretful, I’ll beat myself up. Whatever it takes, I’ll be as sorry as possible to avoid that sort of punishment.
Huh?
Except—that doesn’t really fit with the rest of Jesus’ message. He doesn’t seem to be about instilling regret, shame, and fear.
In John 8 the religious leaders confronted Jesus with a woman caught in adultery. After He dealt with the leaders, He was alone with the woman. At the end of their conversation, He doesn’t embarrass or rebuke her or tell her to slink away in shame. Instead He simply instructs her, “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Maybe Biblical repentance isn’t about feeling bad. Maybe it’s not a feeling at all.
Maybe repent is a verb.
Biblical repentance means “to turn.” Jesus wants me to turn away from sin and toward God. He wants me to adopt God’s perspective. He doesn’t want me to feel bad—He wants me to leave my life of sin.
In 2 Corinthians 7 Paul discusses an issue of correction with the church. He explains that his intent wasn’t to harm them. Then in verse 10 he says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
Godly sorrow brings repentance that … leaves no regret.
Mom was right
Now that I think about it, that’s really what my mom wanted as well. She wasn’t interested in making me feel ashamed, but she did want me to turn away from wrong behavior.
I still need to apologize.
“I’m sorry.” I acknowledge and accept responsibility for my actions. I want to learn from my mistakes and make better choices. I want to look in God’s direction, not my own. I want a new beginning.
I want to move forward in faith, hope, and love.
Do you struggle to repent without feeling guilty or ashamed?
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Copyright 2010 by Rich Dixon, All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Rich is an author and speaker. He is the author of:
Relentless Grace: God’s Invitation To Give Hope Another Chance. Visit his web site www.relentlessgrace.com
Tags: Choices, humility, motives, reconciliation, relationships, respect, Responsibility, unforgiveness
Posted in Abuse, Attitudes, Choices, Family, General Recovery, New Beginning, Responsibility, Step 10, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9, Things to Ponder | Comments Off
Friday, January 28th, 2011
Beloved, if God so loved us,
we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:11, NKJV).
I am an avid follower and supporter of the Voice of the Martyrs and other such ministries that support believers around the world who suffer for their faith. As I read the stories of these courageous brothers and sisters, I am struck by the motivation for their courage: their great love.
To a person, those who stand strong for their faith in Christ despite persecution are marked by the depth of their love for God and others—including their tormentors. That sort of unwavering, selfless, forgiving love can flow only from a grateful heart that has first received the unconditional and undeserved love of the Father and the sacrificial gift of His Son. When we truly begin to grasp the enormity of God’s love for us, we can do nothing but respond with a thankful spirit and an outpouring of love for everyone we meet.
We all know people who seem unlovable. (This may be hard to believe, but there may even be some who consider us the unlovable ones!) Seriously, if God limited His love to those who deserved it, none of us would be able to receive it, would we? The Scriptures tell us “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NKJV). God didn’t wait until we cleaned up our act or earned our way into His presence to make the supreme offering of love on our behalf; He did it while we turned our back to Him and went our own way, wallowing in the pigpen of our own making and proclaiming our own goodness each step of the way.
First John 4:8 proclaims the great truth that “God is love.” Apart from God, there is no love; all else that masquerades as such is a sham—lust, need, desire. God’s love is selfless, and that’s the sort of love He calls us to model to others. Not only is that a difficult thing to do, but it’s actually impossible in our own strength. Only the One who loves us without measure can flow that love through us to others. Immerse yourself in His boundless love today, and then prove your love for God by allowing it to flow from you to those who may be the most unlikely candidates and yet need it just as desperately as we do.
Don’t miss CIR’s Daily Article !
Kathi Macias, all rights reserved. Used by permission.
Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer who has authored 30 books.
“Beyond Me. Living a You-first Life in a Me-first World”
and
“Mothers of the Bible Speak to Mothers of Today”
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, criticism, fellowship, forgiveness, Forgiveness of God, God's Love, hatred, Macias, motives, reconciliation, relationships, respect, Responsibility, unforgiveness
Posted in Attitudes, Choices, Family, For Friends & Family of Dysfunctional People, Forgiveness of God, General Recovery, Responsibility, Step 11, Step 12, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9, Things to Ponder | Comments Off
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me!” Psalm 51:5
Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered: he wants what he wants–his bottle, his mother’s attention, his playmate’s toys, his uncle’s watch, or whatever. Deny him these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness which would be murderous were he not so helpless. He is dirty; he has no morals, no knowledge and no developed skills. This means that all children, not just certain children, but all children are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in their self-centered world of infancy, given free reign to their impulsive actions to satisfy each want–every child would grow up a criminal, a killer, a thief, and a rapist.”
~ Reb Bradley, “Biblical Insights into Child Training”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Remember that children are born with a decided bias toward evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong. The mother cannot tell what her tender infant may grow up to be–tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish–all is uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty–he will have a corrupt and sinful heart! It is natural for us to do wrong. Our hearts are like the earth on which we tread–let it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds!”
~ J. C. Ryle
“Every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood.” Genesis 8:21
Application: Prayerfully consider in what ways you remain selfish or self-centered. Ask God to open your eyes to see yourself as you really are and then ask Him to bring you healing.
Tags: Attitudes, Choices, New Beginning, relationships, Responsibility, rights, sin
Posted in Ability to Overcome, Attitudes, Choices, Forgiveness of God, General Recovery, New Beginning, Renewal, Responsibility, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9, Things to Ponder | Comments Off
