Suicide

I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. Psalm 118:13, The Message.

Rage-filled and loathing self, I was in a battle and determined to destroy myself. Not the self. My entire being. I did not know Christ within me, the Hope of glory! In my own eyes, I was evil. Unable to control my temper, ashamed, and drowning in a sea of self-created guilt and pity, I wanted out. I stepped to the precipice and looked deep into the darkness with longing to never again see the light of day. But when I jumped off the edge into the night, I found my cry answered by the Voice of Love and Grace, and my fall was broken by the gentle hands of Jesus catching me in His arms; He has held me close to His heart ever since, promising to never let me go! Praise be to Him forever! Alleluia! Amen!

Depression can have many symptoms some of which include: anxiety, memory loss, confusion, suicidal thoughts, phobias, overwhelming sadness, loss of appetite, fears, isolating, etc. There are several online Depression Tests that you can take to determine your rate of risk for clinical depression and to help you further understand depression. Some of them are:

WebMD Depression Symptom Quiz
Depression Triggers, Risk, Symptoms. Depression Myths vs. Facts. Test Your Depression IQ. Could it be depression?

Mayo Clinic Depression Self-assessment Quiz
Take this depression self-assessment to see whether you have symptoms of depression.

I am 47 years old now. One of the greatest difficulties I have found in coping with BPD - in addition to experiencing all emotions in a very intense manner - is my severe anger-control problem. I have also struggled with deep, dark, suicidal depressions - sometimes lasting for many months. Intense, agonizing anxiety has been another symptom of this disorder that has created great pain in my heart, and which has led me to isolate myself for a great part of my adult life due to my phobia of social settings and general anxiety whenever I am not in my "safe zone", which means my apartment.

Learn how to overcome your low self-esteem.

No-one wanted to deal with me. I was a lost cause to all, that is except for God.

I have been told by many to remain silent. That God would not use a person such as what I was. That miracles do not happen now-a-days, and on and on. It's not understood, so I guess it isn't to be mentioned. That sentiment has came from numerous local believers & church leaders as well as from the majority, seemingly, from the twelve step community here.

But I am not to remain silent. I must serve God rather than man regardless of what others think or believe. I feel inadequate enough, and there is no time for hate and debate. Bill W. had one.

My name is Sharon. I have been in recovery from childhood trauma for seven years. The mountains have been marvelous, but the valleys were killers. However, with each up and down I grew in faith. On November 14, I was in a low valley. I felt no one understand the pain of my heart. The only person who understood was my counselor, but she was paid to understand. I needed a Christian brother or sister who had walked before me. I decided I would end it all by taking an overdose.

God had another plan. While in the hospital the Lord spoke to me, and pointed out that I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, but never in my 40 some odd years, had I ever really trusted God with my days, not even one moment. Well, I left the hospital determined to find the heart of God.

When Jesus saved me I was close to hell
The devil had me in a deep dark well
Yes I found Jesus or did He find me
It doesn't matter, He set me free

Now the road I'm walkin' ain't all up hill
As I try to follow my saviors will
yes I found Jesus or did He find me
It doesn't matter, He set me free

He guides my footsteps He leads the way
and I will follow come what may
Yes I found Jesus or did He find me
It doesn't matter, He set me free

In the late sixties, long before I committed to follow the Lord, God delivered me from an intense IV Meth addiction. There were no withdrawal symptoms of any kind, I simply stopped.

In the mid-seventies, I lived in a hippie-type community in Pennsylvania. I smoked as many packs of cigarettes a day as I could get my hands on. Filtered or non-filtered, it didn't matter. When I ran out of cigarettes, I rolled my own with Blue Bugler, the cheapest package tobacco you could by at that time. I looked physically fit, but every morning, I woke up congested with phlegm and I could not walk up a flight of stairs without stopping several times to catch my breath.

At the age of 26 I became independent for the first time. That is when I started to abuse alcohol and drugs. Then in July my mother passed away. This was devastating for me and I was unable to cope with her death. I started go to the bars and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I did everything I could to make these people like me in order to try and fill the void that I was feeling. I even gave them money and so that they could use it to support there addiction while I was still supporting my own addiction. I let them use me so they would be my friends.