Boundaries

Obie-HostIt is my great pleasure to introduce to you today Yvonne Ortega.She serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery and leads her own ministry which she will tell you about. Today she will be speaking on Forgiveness.

Every time Yvonne leads a workshop we are all greatly blessed by her insights. Let us open in prayer.....

Heavenly Father,
We pray for our workshop leader Yvonne today.Anoint her with the Holy Spirit. Give her Your words of wisdom to share with us --
words of healing. Open our ears, hearts and minds that we are teachable and also open to the Holy Spirit. In the name of Jesus we all pray. Amen.

Yvonne will speak for several minutes and then we will have a question and answer period where you will be able to ask questions. Yvonne, you now have the floor!

Yvonne Thank you.
What does it mean “to forgive”?
It means to give up feeling angry or wanting to punish, to show mercy, to pardon.

Countless adults have told me they can’t forgive themselves. One woman had an abortion and said, “I’m a murderer. I can’t go back to church.”

An alcoholic lost his wife, his children, his job, his car, and his home. His children refused to have anything to do with him. He said, “It’s all my fault for drinking like I did.”

A married woman got drunk and had sex with a male acquaintance. She was beside herself with shame and guilt.

A man fell asleep at the wheel and hit a guardrail. His daughter was thrown from the van and died. He was overwhelmed with grief and beat himself up repeatedly for the loss of his daughter.

When deciding who to tell and who not to tell about your eating disorder, realize that this is a personal decision. You can take time to make the decision that's best for you. And remember to go to the One who knows you better than anyone to help you. Trust the Lord to lead you in this decision.

Whether it's your parents, siblings, children, other relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors or others who attend your church, the decision of who and who not to tell is a matter that deserves great care. Why not pray about this decision and see how God leads you? He knows what's best for you even if you aren't sure of it yourself. He knows who will be supportive. He also knows who may not be supportive, but who you might have a learning and growing experience with by disclosing your eating disorder.

See Part One

One of the hardest issues for many people, especially in today’s society, is to know when to trust other people. What I am about to write comes from the books, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Safe People by the same authors. It is what I have learned along my healing journey, and I can assure you that I am by no means anywhere near the end of it. I believe healing is a lifelong journey. I highly recommend reading ALL of their books. Believe me when I say they have an endless supply of good Christian books that will help you grow and mature both spiritually and emotionally.

Many people teach that we are to trust nobody. After all, look what it gets us a lot of the time. Girls, boys and women raped because they trusted somebody enough to simply speak to them. Now, not every encounter is a bad one, but we cannot guarantee that any meeting will be a safe one. Who is willing to risk their life on a chance meeting?

2. Some clergy report no man in their church would hurt a woman.

3. Most clergy lack education and training in domestic violence issues.

4. Most clergy don’t preach against domestic violence in their midweek or Sunday services.

Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

The desire for and love to children, are implanted in our nature by our good and great Creator; and children are given to us to be brought up for the Lord. They are His property; He only lends them to us to enjoy, to train, and prepare for future life. Children involve a great responsibility. They are immortal. They are depraved. They are ignorant. They need the most tender, wise, and constant training. Every parent is accountable to God for the manner in which he educates and brings up his children; and that account must be rendered under the most solemn circumstances.

One of the hardest issues for many people, especially in today’s society, is knowing when to trust other people. What I am about to write comes from the Bible, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Safe People by the same authors. It is what I have learned along my healing journey, and I can assure you that I am no where near the end of it. I believe healing is a lifelong journey.

The Bible clearly states that we are to trust nobody.

Psalm 40:4 NKJV Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust, And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

Psalm 56:4 NIV In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Psalm 146:3 NKJV Do not put your trust in princes, Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.

Obie-Host: "Welcome to our Workshop on Trauma and Addiction. We will be discussing trauma, abuse and as well as addiction. Would someone like to open us in prayer?"

"Yahweh, thank you so much for the freedom we have to gather together in fellowship with you and each other - Thank you that Yvonne is giving us her time to teach us -Holy Spirit open our eyes and ears - that we may see and hear what you would impart to us today - Have your way - may your will be done. Amen"

Obie-Host:"Welcome everyone to the Workshop on Trauma and Addiction - our leader today is Yvonne Ortega. She has credentials as long as my arm, as well as personal experiences in everything she talks about. Yvonne, please introduce yourself and tell us a bit about yourself."

"Hi you all! Thank you for having me. It is a blessing to share with you all. Yes, I have credentials, but, I've also learned through the school of hard knocks.

Trauma refers to situations in which a person is rendered powerless and great danger is involved. The situations involve death and injury or the possibility of death and injury.
Those events evoke a state of extreme horror, helplessness, and fear. They are events of such intensity and magnitude they would overtax any human being’s ability to cope.

Such events can be childhood physical abuse or sexual abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault and rape, natural catastrophes such as hurricanes and tornadoes, car accidents, war and combat, and a life-threatening disease. Just as the body can be traumatized, so can the psyche.

1) Listen to what your spouse has to say, even if you disagree! Hold back from interrupting because quite frankly, it is very rude to interrupt people when they are trying to express themselves, even if they are expressing themselves in a negative way.

2) If there is anything ambiguous that your spouse said to you then have them clear it up so you do understand. What's the use in listening if you aren't really hearing?

Anger never resolves issues. If you live with an angry spouse you should learn to detach so the anger won’t gobble you up with it. Anytime you retaliate with angry and abusive words back to an angry person you’re fueling the fire. Simply walk away. You want to put the fire out, not rekindle it. Anyone who lives with an angry person needs to learn how to emotionally detach from the anger. Don’t let the abuse control how you feel or control what you do, or control your behaviors.