Self-sabotage: "Hug Me!" "I'm Trying"

Hug Me! Do We Fight Our Help?

I love this adorable cartoon post.

Dinosaur number one pleads, "Hug me!" to Dinosaur number two, who responds, "I'm trying."

I immediately thought of the "fighting your help" principle, both on the recovery front and the much larger spiritual playing field.

Many of us struggling with addictions, disorders and vices often employ a lot of self-sabotage when it comes to interaction and, yes, actual help.

We reiterate such statements as...

    "I'm worthless."

    "I'm unlovable."

    "I've made too many mistakes."

With those statements, we push others away; we fight our help.

And, of course, we do this with God.

Why else, perhaps, does there exist this scripture, were it not for this resisting attitude?

"How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing." Matthew 23:37

To paraphrase and play with Matthew 26:41,

"God, the Spirit, is willing, but we, the flesh, are weak."

Scripture, indeed, gives us ample evidence we are loved by a Creator Who desires to heal and help us...

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, "Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." Jeremiah 31:3

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye." Psalm 32:8

"… I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal you…" 2 Kings 20:5

"If You will, Thou canst make me clean." And He (Jesus) stretched out His hand and touched him, saying, "I am willing; be clean." Luke 5:12-13

And it's that last one, in particular, which calls into question the equally precise question, "Do we want that help?"

"…Do you want to get well?" John 5:6

Squirming yet?

This question, uttered by our Messiah, cuts through all of the physical, emotional, situational and spiritual red tape.

Do we want to be healed? Do we?

Often, let's be honest, that answer is "no."

And the best we can hope for is the double minded, wishy-washy perspective of "wanting our cake and eating it too."

Yeah, I know. This is the wonderful perplexity of addict land.

(Please keeps your arms in the vehicle at all times during our tour).

Addiction pulls on us so much of the time because it, quite honestly, feels like love. It feels warm, safe, nurturing, rewarding, encouraging, euphoric and empowering. It feels like all of the things we wish love could actually be to us.

Yet, because addiction is only a counterfeit to actual love, let alone, God's love, inevitably, we are left wanting and disappointed when our "true love" failed to deliver on its "solution" promise.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. 1 John 4:18-19

So, now we have trust issues. Now we are faced with another question, "Do we trust love?"

And again, all too often the answer is "no."

So, tightly, we hold onto our addiction; forcefully, we push away any and all help, God included.

Again, just like our cute dinosaur friends...

"Hug me!"

"I'm trying."

Here we are, at a crossroads. How do we truly view the "I'm trying" response from the Source of all help?

Do we believe He is willing and able to be our Alpha and Omega?

And he said unto me, "It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely." Revelation 21:6

Upon studying our little dinosaur conversation, I zoomed in on the arms. We have to acknowledge the arms. Look at those suckers.

Indeed, there has been much discussion and humor about how these fierce prehistoric creatures couldn't even pick up their prey with those short little limbs.

And this discussion about short arms brings us back to the God element of things.

We are confronted with two seemingly, diametrically opposing sentiments.

On the one "hand..."

Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear. Isaiah 59:1

Yet, on the other "hand..."

"How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing." Matthew 23:37

Huh? Well, which one is it?

Answer: both.

For this brings to light the joint venture of our recovery. It is part us, part God. One without the other cannot facilitate healing. We cannot cure ourselves independently. Likewise, we cannot opt out of participation and expect better health either.

And, while God can do anything/everything, He does not go against our free will, even when that free will "fights our help."

So, we have the dilemma, the constant challenge of what we believe, why we believe it and the results of how those mindsets fight or help Divine intervention and recovery in our lives.

I know. It is maddening. It is... human...

But again, if we return to the "I'm trying" response in the dinosaur conversation, we see the willingness is there.

Remember willingness?

"If You will, Thou canst make me clean." And He (Jesus) stretched out His hand and touched him, saying, "I am willing; be clean." Luke 5:12-13

1 John further backs this up...

And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. 1 John 5:14-15

God wants to love us. God wants to help us. God wants to heal us.

"Hug me!"

"I'm trying."

"If You will, Thou canst make me clean."

"...I am willing; be clean."

Do we fight the Truth or embrace it?

Are we the ones who need to "hug back?"

Copyright by Sheryle Cruse.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Sheryle is the author of
Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder.
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