Husband

My Spouse Drinks at Home, How Can I Cope?

Question: What if you're in a position where the only place your spouse can safely drink is in your home? I have tried the detachment thing only to have my drunken partner stalk me around the house and badger me with his stupid behavior. He's not physically violent but mentally abusive and I would like to ignore it but the words hurt. The only thing I can think of is an ultimatum to not drink in my house. Any suggestions would be helpful... and yes I do ignore him when he's drunk at least 99% of the time... I can't always do this when I'm being verbally attacked or things are being thrown around the house.

Guidance: The home is usually the only safe place for an alcoholic to drink for obvious reasons. You're doing the right thing by trying to detach from the alcoholic behavior. Here are seven more ways to detach from abusive behavior. The best way to get the most from this marriage column is to click on all of the links that will lead you to another article.

Understand that most of what an alcoholic says when drunk they don't really mean. The alcoholic is angry inside-they are holding in a lot of resentment and emotional demons that come out in angry words of abuse to whoever happens to be in earshot. The alcoholic is

Do You Love an Alcoholic? – Stop Rescuing and Enabling

Do you love an alcoholic? How can you live with an alcoholic and love them at the same time? Very carefully. It's true, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Alcohol controls the mind and spirit of a person, so in affect as long as the alcoholic is drinking you will not get much love in return. Being married to an alcoholic is not a reason for divorce. It is reason for helping your loved one with the disease. Alcohol addiction is called the insidious disease for a reason. It breaks up homes, kills lives, and keeps them from discovering the Creator. Can it get anymore insidious than that?

A person who drinks excessively is called an alcoholic but that is not who they are. A person who drives a truck is called a trucker, but that is not who they are. I believe alcohol addiction to be a phase or transition of a person's life, meaning it can be temporary. But many alcoholics become sober only to start drinking again, soon after, why? It is because they think they are in control of their addiction, but they aren't. If a person truly wants to get sober and stay sober, they will.

The person behind the destruction and deception of alcohol is a

Overcoming Addiction: Addiction + Denial = Out of Control

My addiction used to control me. It overwhelmed the person inside of me, and I became a stranger to my family, and to myself. All I cared about was having another drink. All I thought about was where and when I was going to get my next drink. My mind was totally and completely absorbed within my addiction, and I didn't even know it. I was proud, haughty and selfish. I was an alcoholic.

Do you have an addiction? Some of us overeat, over drink, smoke, look at porn, gamble, do drugs, or become abusive. We can even be addicted to our feelings. When we let our negative thoughts control us to do wrong, we are under the power of our thoughts and feelings. Addiction controls several aspects of our character that keep us from coming to our full potential. I know these things first hand; I have been there and done that.

Mentally the addiction affects the way we

Talking about Healing: Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.Ephesians 4:29


"Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?" by John Powell (Niles, IL: Argus Communications, 1969) is one of my favorite books.

Powell suggests that people are afraid to tell you who they REALLY are because you may not like them, thus, we reveal ourselves in "levels" or stages: According to him.

The lowest level is cliché.

"Hi, how are you?" "Whazzup?" When you met that special someone, did you really care who he or she was or was it because you had a hidden agenda and maybe did not even know it? Did that first conversation sound something like this? Do you come here often? So you're a whiskey sour lady, let me buy you a drink. 'I thought you was somebody else'.

This level is safe. There is no sharing of the human experience. You do not know anything about me and I don't know anything about you. What you don't know is she might be going through a heated divorce. He could have just got out of prison for armed robbery.

The second level is

Loving Your Spouse With Wisdom

worksheet at bottom of article

There are two ways we can love our spouse. We can love under our own understanding of what we think love is, or we can love the way God has directed us to love. I think we all know how to love, but doing it is a whole different matter.

What is the difference between the two? The first way of loving is a condition and learned way to love, which is selfish and self-seeking. We don't know we are behaving selfishly because we do not know any other way to love. It is a slow conditioning process where we learn to love for our own purpose. But marriage is designed for God's purpose. God wants you to be happy in your marriage and the best way for you to be happy is by loving in the way God has directed us to love.

The second way of loving is what comes naturally because we have loved and accepted God into our lives first. The reason it's so natural is because we have recognized and utilized the spiritual Christ in our lives, which makes loving a natural process of who we are.

It is very difficult to love another if we are only thinking about ourselves. Some examples of how we love our spouse selfishly are

Married to an Unbelieving Spouse: Shine Your Light

Worksheet at bottom of article

Don't Think You Can Change Your Spouse

A popular misnomer in society is people think that after they're married they can change the things they don't like about their spouse. But this is incorrect thinking to begin with. We cannot change anyone other than ourselves, and to try causes numerous problems within the marriage. If you cannot accept who you are going to marry, don't get married!

It is possible though, to influence an unbelieving spouse through your virtuous actions and then they may change on their own free will. But a person needs to accept God on their own time frame.

Don't Get Discouraged

Unbelieving Spouse and MarriagePremium Content

I am a Christian but I am married to an unbeliever for almost 7 months. My husband left home about 4 months ago. God wants to restore my marriage?

Marriage Guidance: You’re right. God does want to restore your marriage. So please print this marriage column out and read it with your husband so you both can be responsible for your “part” in the marriage. Let’s start from the beginning.

    * Who Established Marriage For His Purpose?
    * Who Restores Marriage?
    *Who Taught the Principles For Marriage?

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Vices and Virtues in Marriage: Jealousy vs. TrustPremium Content

Have you ever had to deal with a jealous husband or wife? Most marriages at some time or another go through a period of mistrust and jealousy when their spouse does something to merit mistrust. Maybe they flirted or maybe they had an affair or it could be that they didn't do anything at all to warrant distrust.

More often than not when a spouse is jealous of the other without merit it means they do not trust themselves. If they don't trust themselves they usually are jealous, suspicious, controlling, and insecure. This can be a living nightmare for the spouse who has to take this sort of abuse. But it doesn't have to be like this.

Ask yourself. Why am I jealous? Why do I not trust my spouse? What have they done to merit my suspicions of them? Maybe you have good reason to feel the way you do. But more than likely your misgivings about your spouse have gotten out of hand. We need to be honest with our self about the actions we take in life. The heart of the matter is, we either trust our spouse or we don't, there is no in between here.

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My Husband Cheated On Me. What Can I Do?Premium Content

Ask Angie: My husband cheated on me with another woman and now I find it hard to forgive him. I can't trust him anymore. Our marriage is falling apart. We can go on for weeks without speaking and we are so uncomfortable. Although it hurts me I don't know what to do anymore.

Ask Angie: Hello Angie, thanks for the Good work that you're doing. My husband is involved in infidelity, I have know about it and confronted him but he continues to do it, his parents have talked to him but no change, am real hurt by his behaviors. He sleeps out, never eats at home, he come late in the night from that woman. Every thing about us has died, we don't talk, plan together any more. I'm confused; I want my marriage to be better again.

Ask Angie: My husband is a womanizer and he has cheated on me, had girl in my house while I was at work. I have no problem with him talking to other women but why do they call while I'm at work and hang up in my face. I can't shake this nor let it go.

Marriage Guidance: It is very hard to forgive if a spouse has committed adultery, and especially if they continue to commit sexual sin over and over again. But even so it is what Christ asks us to do. Why do you think Jesus wants us to forgive a spouse of adultery? If we don't forgive others when they trespass against us Christ will not forgive us!

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

True Forgiveness Is Only Found Through Our Own

Faith In Jesus Christ

If we call ourselves Christians are we living the Christian life? Forgiving others is living the principles taught to us by Jesus Christ. If we are living the Christian life then we find forgiveness in our hearts when others have hurt us. Jesus gives us the power to forgive!

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Responsibilities of MarriagePremium Content

Marriage is a big responsibility and a challenging endeavor. Once you get married, it's not just about you anymore; it is about both of you; it is about taking care of one another's needs the best you can; it is the willingness to take the time to have a healthy marriage. It is the perseverance to hang in there no matter what. The responsibilities of marriage and family are huge.

I talk an awful lot about responsibilities, roles and duties in marriage because it is very important that couples realize what their responsibilities are, and then fulfilling them in a proper Christian manner. This is where cooperation and consideration come into play for balancing out the efforts of both the husband and wife and helping marriage to run efficiently and balanced.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vein conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not only look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:3-5 NIV

Marriage is not designed to make only one person in the marriage happy. Unfortunately, many couples have been conditioned into believing that marriage is a way to get what they want from each other. But this is the wrong attitude to have. When we carry around a self-seeking position we will act on that attitude and

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