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I Hate meetings... I Hate higher powers... I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all. This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering.
I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and i was the only one who would agree with you.
Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life.
You have not failed because you relapse. You are normal because you relapse. We all have relapsed when trying to find our way out of the alcohol and drug trap. Never allow a relapse to discourage you from coming to sobriety. As a matter of fact, when we succumb to our addictions we can actually learn from them. Most of us fall back on our addictions for many reasons and here are three of those reasons. See if they ring a chord with you as well.
The first reason is because we just weren’t ready in our heart to stop the addiction – we felt anxious and fearful being without our best friend, and so our uncommitted heart caved in under pressure. We have all done it. Think of addiction as a “hard to break bad habit.” But don’t fret too much over it. Just because you’re not ready to quit now, certainly does not mean that you won’t be committed later. Keep trying and don’t give up!
Have you ever listened to the little voice in your head telling you that your addiction is ok? You know the voice – the reliable little guy that keeps telling you reasons why it’s okay to keep feeding your addiction. It goes something like this. “I’m not really addicted, I can stop at anytime” or about this one. “If I was not married to so and so, I would not need to drink anymore.” We have all heard this one. “My life is just too stressful and I only need it to unwind.” We hear the voice and we listen because the voice is a symptom of addiction.
Same Friends – Same Places
Have you ever felt panicky and afraid? Your breathing becomes erratic and your heart beats in flutters and moves about wildly in your chest. It feels like you might be having a heart attack. It's probably not a heart attack, but a panic attack. You can tell the difference. During a real heart attack, the primary symptom is a crushing sensation inside the chest that causes a person to double up in pain. Panic attacks do not hurt physically. During a panic attack, the heart beats rapidly and you may even be able to hear your own heartbeat.
Panic attacks are scary because you don't know what is going on with your body. I know a little bit about panic attacks because I used to get them periodically. The first time I ever had a panic attack, my dad called an ambulance because he thought I was having a stroke or heart attack. Panic attacks are not a serious health threat, and they have nothing to do with the health of your heart.
Some people may not get full-blown panic attacks, but might feel anxious, nervous or fearful instead. The good news is, panic attacks can be completely eliminated from your life for good by getting to the bottom of why you may feel panicky and or anxious in the first place. Panic attacks are only a symptom of something going awry with your emotions and, or physical health.
1. Bring Past Out Into The Open
Talk about your past with your counselors or trusted friends. The goal is to rid your past from your spiritual bank by forgiving all the people you need to forgive. It is also important to forgive yourself! If you have a difficult time forgiving, express yourself on paper and then mail it to them. Give up your past by not hanging on to it any longer. You can be free of your negative past for good when you just let “it” go.
2. Treat Yourself With Love and Kindness
You don’t have to beat yourself up every night, for whatever reason you might try to do that. You have to treat yourself good. Addiction does not make you a bad person – addiction in itself is bad, period! There is a beautiful person behind the addiction that needs and wants to break free from its hold – let yourself free. Breaking free deserves loving the person you are. Because you love who you are and care about the person God created you to be, you can break free from addiction and live a productive, healthy, and happy life.
3. Take Control of Your Addiction
The following are unsolicited, direct quotes from real people who have been ministered to by CIR. Though Jesus Christ, CIR impacts lives, saves lives and changes lives.
I would like to start off with Thank you for helping me through my darkest time. If I hadn't prayed & read testimony I'm not sure where I would be today. CIR has been a amazing site for me to be inspired & lead in the right direction, so many stories helped me relate & understand my situation. ~ B.S.
From that magical moment of birth, we all set out on a life consuming quest to satisfy an unquenchable thirst for fulfillment. It was then that we filled our little lungs with air; oh, what an overwhelming experience that must of been! In fact, we loved it so much that we have never intentionally stopped doing it.
Then came our need for nourishment and comfort, which in turn triggered a God inspired train reaction of magical events We instantly learned a beautiful reality, which was that the inhaled air (filled with oxygen) in our lungs not only insured a healthy body, but we could use the exhaled (void of oxygen) air to stimulate our little vocal cords and have our needs met. David the great Psalmist of Israel was so right on when he pinned this revelation of his God and maker:
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully made; Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14
You see, it only took a mere whimper and our world stood at our command. Mom would come running into the room and filled our empty tummies or some one would answer the call and have our soiled diapers changed, and to add icing on the cake, the louder we cried, the higher people jumped. It seemed that life couldn't get any better.
THE WORLD WAS OUR STAGE
Then it did get better; can you remember your adolescence years? You know, the year when mom & dad were placed on the back burner and now it was all about that prince charming/goddess who sat next to you in class. Wow, if I could just get her to notice me and maybe fall madly in love (our limited knowledge of it) with me. Then this unquenchable thirst would be filled and for a season it did just that. But sadly, some one ended up with their first broken heart and OUCH, it sure did hurt.
Please untie the knots in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the "am nots" that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
Most addicts and alcoholics who have tried running on sheer willpower and defiant rebellion sooner or later discover they lack the internal strength to change, especially if there's a Jackal on the loose.
The Jackal, wearing me down, bracing me up, hardening me, softening me, worrying me, confusing me to where I could no longer pinpoint the basis of my being or direction, plays a deadly game of manipulation, of aggressive control, of parasitic reliance, a game mastered because of its cunning and persistence. It seems there is no way to out maneuver it. During the brightness of day or the darkness and chill of night, the beast stealthily creeps in against the close warmth of cleanliness and sobriety. At other times, it confronts me, making no attempt to conceal itself. The Jackal possesses a rancid aroma of smoke and scorching chemical and is worn like a rash. It devours my spirit and tears at my flesh, for I am wounded prey and a defenseless meal. Grimaced with invisible and obvious fatigue, I am left with nothing but my interpretation of how life should and should not be.
“What if I can’t be fixed?”
You ask a bunch of guys about their biggest fears, and you hope for some open dialogue. You don’t really expect someone to whisper from the depths of the fog.
“What if I’m hopeless? This addiction killed my dad and my grandma. My sister’s relapsed over and over for fifteen years. And I’ve prayed and done everything I can for a decade, but I keep falling into the same pattern.
“What if I’m broken so bad that even God can’t fix me?”
How are you gonna respond to that? Think carefully, because whatever you say better not rhyme. It better not be some platitude or theological truism. He’s heard them all, and they’re salt rubbed in an open, bleeding wound.
We don’t want to hear “God can’t.” Our first reaction is to argue — God can do anything! And when that fails — you can’t argue your way out of the fog — we’re tempted to retreat to the safety of the Christian cocoon where the light’s bright, the fog’s clear, and people don’t talk about the hopelessness of addiction and depression.
"Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same — will be called least in the kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 5:19
A great many people are careful about breaking large commandments and committing heinous sins — while they commit "little sins" continually and without scruple.
They would not tell a direct lie for the world — but their speech is full of little falsehoods!
They would not steal money from the purse or drawer of another — and yet they continually commit small thefts! For example, by mistake the grocer gives them a penny too much change — and they do not think of returning it. Through the carelessness of a postal worker, the postage stamp on a letter is left uncancelled — and they take it off and use it a second time.
They would not purposely try to blacken a neighbor's name or destroy his character — and yet they repeat to others the evil whispers about him which they have heard, and thus soil his reputation.
They would not swear or curse in the coarse way of the ungodly — but they are continually using such minced oaths such as, Gosh! Gees! Heck! and other mild, timid substitutes for overt swearing.
They would not do flagrant acts of wickedness to disgrace themselves — but their lives are honeycombed with all kinds of little meannesses, impurities, selfishnesses, and bad tempers.