Enabling

Am I Codependent or being a Good Christian?Premium Content

On the surface, codependency messages sound like Christian teaching:

    "Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves."
    (Aren't Christians to put others first?) .

    "Codependents give themselves away."
    (Shouldn't Christians do the same?).

"Codependents martyr themselves."
(Doesn't Christianity honor its martyrs?)

Those statements have a familiar ring, don't they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and their dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy.

Codependency says:.

    I have little or no value.
    Other persons and situations have all the value.

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Detaching From the AlcoholicPremium Content

Ask Angie: Hi Angie, I was reading your article titled "Do You Love an Alcoholic - Setting Boundaries for You". I'd like to follow these suggestions, but I have some questions. How long should I detach myself before I should move out? We have two kids (3 and 5). How do I go about detaching when we all live together? Should I move me and my kids out for a while? How do I explain to them what's going on?

Marriage Guidance:

How Long Should I Detach Before Moving Out?

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Stop Rescuing the Alcoholic and Start Rescuing YouPremium Content

Ask Angie: Dear Angie, I have been married to an alcoholic husband for eight years now and we have two young children together. We have taken marriage courses and I have been reading the Love Dare. I have tried the detach method but it is difficult since he starts drinking every day at around 9 or 10 in the morning (since he was laid off over six months ago) and drinks until he goes to bed which is usually midnight. If I don't talk to him when he's drinking he gets angry. How can I make the detachment work in this situation and how can I protect our children from his anger?

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Is Alcoholism Controlling Your Life?Premium Content

It happens without warning. It creeps into your life and all of a sudden, you're hooked. At first you're the life of the party, and later you're the drunk of the party. When you're young, twenties and thirties, your body can handle all the booze, no problem. But mentally it impairs the way you view and feel the world around you.

Most of the time, alcoholics don't know that alcohol has taken hold of their life. This is called the denial stage. Alcoholics feel if they can get up and go to work everyday, even though secretly they have an excruciating headache, they don't have a problem.

But what keeps the alcoholic going throughout the workday is in knowing that after work, they'll have those highballs or beers, which will in fact; make them feel like their old self again.

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I Am the Typical Enabler and Victim. Help!Premium Content

Question: I need help, I am the typical enabler and victim and I do not want my life to continue this way. Please help!

Guidance: I know your pain and suffering first hand. My experience comes from both sides. I grew up with an alcoholic step dad. When I got married I was the alcoholic and my husband was the enabler. I can now look back on my behavior and see how sick mentally, emotionally and spiritually I really was. Only when my husband stopped enabling the addiction did I get help for myself. Praise God I have been sober for 15 years! My personal testimony is written in the book Journey on the Roads Less Traveled.

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Do You Love an Alcoholic? – Stop Rescuing and EnablingPremium Content

Do you love an alcoholic? How can you live with an alcoholic and love them at the same time? Very carefully. It's true, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Alcohol controls the mind and spirit of a person, so in affect as long as the alcoholic is drinking you will not get much love in return. Being married to an alcoholic is not a reason for divorce. It is reason for helping your loved one with the disease. Alcohol addiction is called the insidious disease for a reason. It breaks up homes, kills lives, and keeps them from discovering the Creator. Can it get anymore insidious than that?

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Overcoming Addiction: Addiction + Denial = Out of ControlPremium Content

My addiction used to control me. It overwhelmed the person inside of me, and I became a stranger to my family, and to myself. All I cared about was having another drink. All I thought about was where and when I was going to get my next drink. My mind was totally and completely absorbed within my addiction, and I didn't even know it. I was proud, haughty and selfish. I was an alcoholic.

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Reflections on Alcoholism (Living with an Alcoholic) Premium Content

It's never easy living with an alcoholic. Sometimes we try so hard to live with the alcoholic that we end up enabling them to drink. The problem is we don't see the alcoholic as being sick but someone we don't like to be around when they are drinking.

If they were in bed sick with the flu we would know how to care for them, but when they are drunk sick there is nothing we can do, other than watch them drink themselves to oblivion. Sometimes we take it personally and think they drink so much because of something we have done, but we shouldn't blame ourselves for the addictions in other people.

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Loving Your Alcoholic WifePremium Content

If anyone knows what it's like to live with an alcoholic wife it would be my husband, who for several years, battled with my addiction with me. That's right, he battled alcoholism with me. Because I have been sober for fifteen years I can write about addiction with confidence. Alcoholism is a family affair and without knowing how to handle addiction, being married to an alcoholic is an ongoing battle. It does not matter who is the alcoholic, wife or husband – what matters is how you handle the affects. If your wife is an alcoholic there is great hope in her recovery by how you manage the addiction.

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The Alcoholic Christian

Alcoholism is running rampant today, even in Christian's homes! Scripture tells us we are not to get drunk on too much wine because it causes sin. But the bible says a believer in Christ is saved through the death of Jesus. Does that mean the alcoholic Christian is saved too? Understand that living a righteous life in Jesus Christ is what gives the Christian eternal life. Being "saved" is a rebirth process and lifestyle change from walking in darkness to walking in the light. Do you think an alcoholic walks in the light or in the dark? Ok, then, there's your answer.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Ephesians 5:18 NIV

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